Feels like yesterday when you took my love for granted
Never understood why you never embraced me
Cut the wrists of my heart every day I saw you pass by
Always hoped you’d stopped even if for a second and pretend to smile and wave that tired hand
You turned deaf to my silent cries and numb to my arms
Questioned God for the reasons you came into my life
Still today I await the lessons for having known you
Still I wonder how your life flowed while mine stood still
You have no impact on me today but I long to know the reasons
I couldn’t have learned to love hard as I’ve loved like that before
I couldn’t have learned to be strong as I have cried these tears before
Your presence in my fate still remains mystery
I remember it like yesterday how you walked all over my love like an old rug
Somehow still remember that piercing pain I felt when you laughed out loud when you saw me fall
Rumours were spread, words were said. Words you never were bold enough to say to me
Scored myself enemies as anyone who had an encounter with you concluded that I was worth hating
Wounds were open, salt forever sprayed upon them and it hurt
Scars found a new name than permanent and I broke
Tried to hide behind the smile until I realised staying strong wasn’t the only way out
Realised that crying was the only way I could prove you really did exist so I embraced tears, I embraced pain
It was after all pain and tears that testified about your existence
After the tears dried, I found the strength to find vengeance
Lost myself in finding freedom from you and then I realised vengeance wouldn’t make me forget you
Broke down once more as the more I fought against you, the more I became your prisoner so I cried
Cried till I realised that you were just a figment of my imagination
I must have said to myself the words I thought you said to me
I must have been kissing myself when I felt your lips lay on me
I must have been touching myself when I felt you caressing me
I must have made you up
It seems impossible that the one who once made my heart skip to incredible heights could be what you are now
The perfect you must have only been known by me
You were the perfect picture of self-destructive love
You remain that fairytale book where Cinderella never really got back her shoe, I learned to appreciate nightmares through you, and you were my beautiful nightmare
© Sizakele Phohleli 2011/11/047