I beg her to open up to tell me what I did so I could make right
She tries to tell me what I did but words choke her
Tears streaming down her face I conclude I have hurt her beyond words could express
But still she needs to utter those words of disappointment so I too could arm myself with words seeking forgiveness
Words intended to soothe her heart, words to kiss her eyes dry
She shuts down and forces herself to smile through those heavily rained on eyes and says it's okay
This tears my soul apart and I almost feel stupid as I know that what she feels right now about me is anything but okay
She is hiding within herself words that she herself knows will put an end to this beautiful gathering we have, words that had no home in her until I broke her past what could be made of a mosaic
She wears a facade of strength while she is broken beyond what words can express
Can't stand the pain I've put her through I beg for the words,
Not necessarily geared up for the consequences words said could have on me, but I knew the pain would be better than words unsaid
I can't stand seeing her cry that even the thought of losing her hurts a little less
She looks somewhat disgusted, though she diligently tries to hide it, every time I come into her presence, she automatically and inadvertently covers herself up with silence
I ask her to tell me what I did wrong until she again cried silence
So weary to be slapped with silence every time I tried to converse with her
I implored her to say the words, words we both knew would set herself free
Envisioning the beauty of freedom, she broke down, lost the facade until the silence could no more describe how she felt
Was hurt beyond what silence could express and finally she cried words
Uttered all the words I didn't want to hear but for her own healing they had to be said
She cried words of “Goodbye, You hurt me, You don't deserve me, you took me for granted, I was better before I met you”
She cried so many soul stabbing words I selfishly wished she'd go back to silence
But better that than have her imprisoned in anguish called silence
She cried “I'm moving out, don't call me ever again, I curse the day I ever met you, no one has ever hurt me like you did”, she cried “no words can undo what you have done to me”
She wept, please hand me back my ring
I lost her and I, the king of words, cried myself to silence, cried so much that words couldn't define how I felt,
Words were a reminder of what I had just lost,
Silence was the only thing that connected me to her so I cried silence every time memories of her found home in my mind
© Sizakele Phohleli 2011/11/14