Touch it gently, put 2
fingers inside, if it is wide use 3 fingers, make sure it's wet and rub up
& down.
.
.
.
Yep that's how you wash a cup......
23.4.12
An Open road
Silently my friend and I
made this rule and it's a fair one, when
we decide to spend the weekend together in the name of fun leaving no stones
un-turned, clothes smelling of cigarettes, weed, booze and perfumes not belonging
to us, arms tired from hugging strangers, shoes full of dust, sleeping till 2pm
on Sunday, she is expected to come to my house and I am expected to drive her
home, no matter how hang over'd I am (from undiluted fun since we both do not
consume alcohol) and we have always did as expected without a fight.
So we have just had an epic weekend and full recovery expected to occur by mid week as we went super crazy this time around and angry girlfriends were the outcome of this mad selfish fun we always engage in. I don't see my buddy that often and we just got back together from a big messy argument that cut our communication to zero for months and such fun was our peace offering to each other and boy did we go down, you'd swear we were motherless.
As I was routinely driving my friend home after a crazy weekend, we decided to take a route we normally don't take especially at night because it is one long scary dark road, if you haven't felt complete loneliness and the rising of the back hair, you must drive there and you will appreciate not having been introduced to such emotions. It was just after 2pm and we figured we won't be the only people driving there so we went; it wasn't dark so we were fine. We weren't gonna pay any attention to the road, we pep talked ourselves, we were gonna catch up, plan our next hook up and reminisce about the weekend, and of course talk about ways to get our girlfriends to forgive us for our transgressions. My girl wasn't talking to me and so was hers, we were both in deep shit and putting an end to this weekend's fun meant the birth of arguments in the home base and frankly I wasn't up to it, I never am up to explaining what I did and didn't do while having fun but the explanation was inevitable so we went over what could have ticked these two beautiful souls off and as usual we came to a conclusion that they were just crazy and we weren't gonna entertain them. Deep down we had solutions but we weren't about to go all emotional on our drive and ruin the last fun we were having in the car.
Changed the topic to a lighter one that was gonna carry us through to Odette's door. We listened to DJ Zinhle's new track "My name is", volume on max yet we were able to hear each other very well, of course we were screaming and boy did we wish the weekend was a week long, so not fair that we only have 2 days to dance and be totally sloshed with fun and 5 days to slave away. Sadly we got pulled over by the police. Oh flip!! So embarrassing because I still had my PJ's on, without a bra and it was almost 3pm, and my license was in the boot so I had to go out, full of sleep and get it for this man of authority. Eish but I was tired, didn't have time to look pretty at all. Finally we got to Dee's place, waved goodbye, we will see each other soon and that knowledge was worth another party.
On my way back to the home base, anticipating 21 questions from my lady and planning 25 responses I was still not up for a fight, just not into it at all. I decided to take the scary road again, something lured me to it as if I was compelled, without question I followed the lead of my compeller, got pulled over by the police again, same guy who now wanted me to be his lady, Eeuw, Mr Man must just relax himself, told him to bring his wife and teenage daughter and we will talk and he just didn't get why I said that...anyway back on the road again, listening to music just so I don't feel as scared and lonely, I believe that this road is haunted and that the spirits, in attempts to find companionships, get into our cars uninvited when we drive, even when we are alone, we never are really alone on this road, there are always shadows on the chairs, for shadows to be seen, human-like beings need to be present. I wasn't alone. I felt the brutal piercing cold on my skin though all my windows were closed, the rising of hair and the voices in my head became louder, it was confirmed, I had company and their presence wasn't meant to go unnoticed. Said a little prayer, my eyes solely fixed on the road ahead and I saw the road with a different eye now, not making it less scary but my visions of it became heaven like.
For 45 minutes I saw only 2 cars so a lot of people must avoid this road. It's a quite road, almost unfriendly, almost too open, something about it is unholy, surely satanic, something about it is spiritual, it's the light side of the dark, and it’s not of heavenly creations I conclude. Once more, eager to get home, tired of the long winding road, I fixed my eyes on the road ahead trying to focus and to put to sleep the voices in my head, feeling no comfort from the music, I switched off the radio and made myself believe I was not as alone as my eyes made me believe.
This road reminded me of life, that even though we may be in the midst of million souls, when we fix our eyes on our own lives, we are just lonely beings who see nothing in the future, who because of two people passing by, believe life isn't as lonely and scary. Life is lonely, sometimes loneliness consumes us that we walk in the dark just so we can feel a change of the weather that may not always be comforting, that spirits live out there seeking companionship and because we too are lonely and vulnerable we willing yet unwillingly open ourselves so such friendships, friendship only seeking company and not promising to care for us. We walk alone, feel alone and sometimes are what we feel. Paradise can't be like this, when I think heaven I think happiness, unending laughter and peace, however hell if it exists can be found in this road, traces of hell were all over the lanes of that road, if hell wasn't there, this road must have homed creatures whose current residence is now hell. Thoughts of pain, loneliness, despair, failure reigned on me as I hit gear 6 rushing to get home, I wasn't willing to tap into that state of my life again, it wasn't gonna let this road remind me of what I failed to become and all the anguish I have endured, I wasn't about to indulge in excruciating nostalgic flashes again, it had no right to mess with my mind like that.
Turning slowly on that hazardous curve, doing 140km/h in the 80kh/h zone I finally painted with perfection the picture of hell. Pictures I prefer to not ever think about for my own sanity, for my own revival and for faith’s sake. Pictures I drew using my blood as ink, pain and loss as my inspiration, I cannot allow my mind to dwell on images that now define me anymore, I cannot delight in emotions that clouded my mind all the days of my life anymore. I have to create new images, take new paths, dreams new dreams, paint new pictures.
Finally I got home, almost shaken, ignition on, gear one, balancing of the clutch, I was almost ready for a fight and the silence that tags along after every squabble but to my surprise instead of a fight I was blessed with a smile as I opened the door.
So we have just had an epic weekend and full recovery expected to occur by mid week as we went super crazy this time around and angry girlfriends were the outcome of this mad selfish fun we always engage in. I don't see my buddy that often and we just got back together from a big messy argument that cut our communication to zero for months and such fun was our peace offering to each other and boy did we go down, you'd swear we were motherless.
As I was routinely driving my friend home after a crazy weekend, we decided to take a route we normally don't take especially at night because it is one long scary dark road, if you haven't felt complete loneliness and the rising of the back hair, you must drive there and you will appreciate not having been introduced to such emotions. It was just after 2pm and we figured we won't be the only people driving there so we went; it wasn't dark so we were fine. We weren't gonna pay any attention to the road, we pep talked ourselves, we were gonna catch up, plan our next hook up and reminisce about the weekend, and of course talk about ways to get our girlfriends to forgive us for our transgressions. My girl wasn't talking to me and so was hers, we were both in deep shit and putting an end to this weekend's fun meant the birth of arguments in the home base and frankly I wasn't up to it, I never am up to explaining what I did and didn't do while having fun but the explanation was inevitable so we went over what could have ticked these two beautiful souls off and as usual we came to a conclusion that they were just crazy and we weren't gonna entertain them. Deep down we had solutions but we weren't about to go all emotional on our drive and ruin the last fun we were having in the car.
Changed the topic to a lighter one that was gonna carry us through to Odette's door. We listened to DJ Zinhle's new track "My name is", volume on max yet we were able to hear each other very well, of course we were screaming and boy did we wish the weekend was a week long, so not fair that we only have 2 days to dance and be totally sloshed with fun and 5 days to slave away. Sadly we got pulled over by the police. Oh flip!! So embarrassing because I still had my PJ's on, without a bra and it was almost 3pm, and my license was in the boot so I had to go out, full of sleep and get it for this man of authority. Eish but I was tired, didn't have time to look pretty at all. Finally we got to Dee's place, waved goodbye, we will see each other soon and that knowledge was worth another party.
On my way back to the home base, anticipating 21 questions from my lady and planning 25 responses I was still not up for a fight, just not into it at all. I decided to take the scary road again, something lured me to it as if I was compelled, without question I followed the lead of my compeller, got pulled over by the police again, same guy who now wanted me to be his lady, Eeuw, Mr Man must just relax himself, told him to bring his wife and teenage daughter and we will talk and he just didn't get why I said that...anyway back on the road again, listening to music just so I don't feel as scared and lonely, I believe that this road is haunted and that the spirits, in attempts to find companionships, get into our cars uninvited when we drive, even when we are alone, we never are really alone on this road, there are always shadows on the chairs, for shadows to be seen, human-like beings need to be present. I wasn't alone. I felt the brutal piercing cold on my skin though all my windows were closed, the rising of hair and the voices in my head became louder, it was confirmed, I had company and their presence wasn't meant to go unnoticed. Said a little prayer, my eyes solely fixed on the road ahead and I saw the road with a different eye now, not making it less scary but my visions of it became heaven like.
For 45 minutes I saw only 2 cars so a lot of people must avoid this road. It's a quite road, almost unfriendly, almost too open, something about it is unholy, surely satanic, something about it is spiritual, it's the light side of the dark, and it’s not of heavenly creations I conclude. Once more, eager to get home, tired of the long winding road, I fixed my eyes on the road ahead trying to focus and to put to sleep the voices in my head, feeling no comfort from the music, I switched off the radio and made myself believe I was not as alone as my eyes made me believe.
This road reminded me of life, that even though we may be in the midst of million souls, when we fix our eyes on our own lives, we are just lonely beings who see nothing in the future, who because of two people passing by, believe life isn't as lonely and scary. Life is lonely, sometimes loneliness consumes us that we walk in the dark just so we can feel a change of the weather that may not always be comforting, that spirits live out there seeking companionship and because we too are lonely and vulnerable we willing yet unwillingly open ourselves so such friendships, friendship only seeking company and not promising to care for us. We walk alone, feel alone and sometimes are what we feel. Paradise can't be like this, when I think heaven I think happiness, unending laughter and peace, however hell if it exists can be found in this road, traces of hell were all over the lanes of that road, if hell wasn't there, this road must have homed creatures whose current residence is now hell. Thoughts of pain, loneliness, despair, failure reigned on me as I hit gear 6 rushing to get home, I wasn't willing to tap into that state of my life again, it wasn't gonna let this road remind me of what I failed to become and all the anguish I have endured, I wasn't about to indulge in excruciating nostalgic flashes again, it had no right to mess with my mind like that.
Turning slowly on that hazardous curve, doing 140km/h in the 80kh/h zone I finally painted with perfection the picture of hell. Pictures I prefer to not ever think about for my own sanity, for my own revival and for faith’s sake. Pictures I drew using my blood as ink, pain and loss as my inspiration, I cannot allow my mind to dwell on images that now define me anymore, I cannot delight in emotions that clouded my mind all the days of my life anymore. I have to create new images, take new paths, dreams new dreams, paint new pictures.
Finally I got home, almost shaken, ignition on, gear one, balancing of the clutch, I was almost ready for a fight and the silence that tags along after every squabble but to my surprise instead of a fight I was blessed with a smile as I opened the door.
20.4.12
Come back when you can
This week is
finally coming to an end, my hair still terrible but it’s okay, I don’t have to
work for the next 2 days and not even my hair can take that joy away from me
Hello Friday
Let’s do
this again next week... The thought of you excites me every week, when will I
get the fact that you will always come for me? Until that day, I will
appreciate your arrival.
I always
miss you when you are gone
*Corporate Affairs*
Got to the office a lil’ bit late today because the traffic was terrible. Stop
that... it was terrible, I didn't make that up. Anyway, here I was minding my
own business (Yeah I said it...contrary to popular belief, I can and was
minding my own business), tryna hide the fact that I was late, though I failed
because my boss saw me coming in, Lol. So like I was saying, as I was minding
my own business with great success, setting up my work station and for a second
something outta this world happened, this (name withheld intentionally to avoid
serious beatings but I will call her Britney, she looks like Brit, well I mean
before Britney lost it) lady who is my colleague who is sizzling, absolutely dazzling,
was walking to the kitchen to make tea and BOOM!!!! Something
hit me, it literally slapped me in the face, the revelation I mean. She makes
tea every morning with her guy buddies, it's a routine the whole office knows about
but today was different, she was the same but different this morning. She was
dressed in black leggings, black boots, a jersey long enough to cover just her
ass and left her blonde hair loose, such beauty makes me appreciate being lesbian.
She was so simple but she was just remarkably striking. Back to
the moment that left me speechless, so as I was psychotically secretly staring
at her as she was walking to the kitchen, this sad truth came to me, I am
seriously crushing on Brit. OMW she is the only white girl I would do, she is a
perfect painting of the white lesbian I would willingly offer myself to or rather
pay to have her fuck me or vice versa. She has anger issues, I have seen her bang chairs and desks in the office out of frustrations
but I can overlook that, I mean who is perfect in this world? She is just startlingly
beautiful, her height is just perfect for me and the way she walks melts my
hard-core clit to H2O, she just grates my tits to a million pieces by just
saying Hi to me, she is just perfect, yeah yeah she may not have big boobs, but cahmon she still has boobs
that would fit my hands perfectly and that is just enough for me. She smokes
and just for her, it is okay, in fact I find it sexy. We once in a while have
conversations (briefly of course) and she or rather we greet each other every day
but I always take it personal, she obviously greets everyone on the floor
because it is common courtesy but I have deemed her greetings to me are somewhat
special and yes I know it is a lie but this very lie helps me through the 8
hours I spend in the office. Oh Brit “Don’t let me be the last to know”, my fav track by Miss Spears.
You are my now
Confirmations
made without validations
Promises
made with no desires to keep them
Promises
made, confirmations immaterial
We are here now, for
the present, delighting in sentiments dedicated to this very moment
Tomorrow is worthless
Blissful agony
You have created within me
a victim
Bashing me with your love in places I never knew found residence in my skin
Whipped me with your adoration painlessly, I live to tell the tales
Suffocating me with sweet love, death I care less for
Pushing me against the walls of your heart, asking me to stay with you, I don't intend to leave
Got bruises of your affection all over my body, blissful agony
Weakened my limbs with your undivided attention u afford me with effortlessly
Suffocating me with the pillows of your arms, it feels like home
Strangling me with your care, I still bear the love bites
Kicking me down with the foot of your heart it feels good
Pulling me forcefully with your sweet tone saying beautiful words to me
Knocking me sideways with fists full of angelic melodies, my soulful song you are
Held me captive in your heart, liberate me not
Blocked my vision, hijacking my dreams, all I see is you, leave me alone not
So happy in love I'm unhappy as I don’t know how long you intend to stick around for
Would I be all up in your grill if I asked you to promise me forever?
Bashing me with your love in places I never knew found residence in my skin
Whipped me with your adoration painlessly, I live to tell the tales
Suffocating me with sweet love, death I care less for
Pushing me against the walls of your heart, asking me to stay with you, I don't intend to leave
Got bruises of your affection all over my body, blissful agony
Weakened my limbs with your undivided attention u afford me with effortlessly
Suffocating me with the pillows of your arms, it feels like home
Strangling me with your care, I still bear the love bites
Kicking me down with the foot of your heart it feels good
Pulling me forcefully with your sweet tone saying beautiful words to me
Knocking me sideways with fists full of angelic melodies, my soulful song you are
Held me captive in your heart, liberate me not
Blocked my vision, hijacking my dreams, all I see is you, leave me alone not
So happy in love I'm unhappy as I don’t know how long you intend to stick around for
Would I be all up in your grill if I asked you to promise me forever?
Mishandle me with your
love all you desire, I delight in your dwelling in my heart
© S Phohleli 2012-04-20
*Struggling with this note*
Trying to
hide the passion buried beneath my eyes, I look at you
I have undressed you unauthorized, you look so beautiful
10 foot deep, my claws have gone in your soul
I have undressed you unauthorized, you look so beautiful
We have made
love without physical contact, so magical
Kissed
without the touching of lips, so seductive
You made a
movie of my life
Daily I
replay the sound of your voice, directing you to my heart, editing the words we
utter so we can be perfect, and setting to play every emotion as we go live,
role playing our perfect love affair and we stop not
You have
made a musician of me
Humming tunes,
hitting every note with perfection as I sing my lungs out thanking the universe
for your presence
Oh such
poetry you have made of my life
Spitting words
of glory worshipping your creator
You have
made of me a murderer
One by one I
have put to sleep everyone who has caused you pain, lock me up, I deserve no
parole, as long as you are pain free10 foot deep, my claws have gone in your soul
Rescue me not;
I want to sink in your world,
Left no
trace behind I pleasure in how lost in you I have become18.4.12
Wednesday my confidante
Missing
Friday so much
At least she is only 2 sleeps away
The countdown begins
At least she is only 2 sleeps away
The countdown begins
The undefined definition
Fun
Closeness
Euphoria
Joy
Treasured stolen moments
Smile epitome
sensual revolution
Emotion embrace
Prohibited delights
Love Jungle
illicit penetrations
we were unlabeled
Closeness
Euphoria
Joy
Treasured stolen moments
Smile epitome
sensual revolution
Emotion embrace
Prohibited delights
Love Jungle
Clitoris
Excitosisillicit penetrations
we were unlabeled
Without
tags yet we knew our worth
the messy affair
Pain
Tears
squabbles
Suicide defines treasures of yesterday
Agony
Yelling
Displease
the messy affair
Pain
Tears
squabbles
Suicide defines treasures of yesterday
Agony
Yelling
Displease
Distress
Pull-push sensations
Far-here-there mystification
Aloofness
Displeasure
Withdrawal
Misunderstanding
Fear
We subconsciously involuntarily gave a name to the nameless
Gave voice to murmuring
Wearied the strong
Saddened the blissful
slaughtered the resurrected
Gave life to what we preferred lifeless
Attached the strings we preferred unattached
Best we were undefined
Lead me back to yester-night
Don't clean us up, don't change us, I like the mess we made of each other
Where you and I were the unattached strings attached
The messed up beauty we were
Take us back to the chaotic chaos we merrily delighted in
Pull-push sensations
Far-here-there mystification
Aloofness
Displeasure
Withdrawal
Misunderstanding
Fear
We subconsciously involuntarily gave a name to the nameless
Gave voice to murmuring
Wearied the strong
Saddened the blissful
slaughtered the resurrected
Gave life to what we preferred lifeless
Attached the strings we preferred unattached
Best we were undefined
Lead me back to yester-night
Don't clean us up, don't change us, I like the mess we made of each other
Where you and I were the unattached strings attached
The messed up beauty we were
Take us back to the chaotic chaos we merrily delighted in
© S
Phohleli 2012-04-18
Here I am
Here I am
lying on my bed
Memories of you roaming my mind
where are you?
Did you stop crying?
I'm here
Waiting for you
Say something
Tell me you still care
Tell me you miss me
Tell me you meant every word
Tell me you haven't let me go
Let me know your heart still beats for me
Here I am
Thinking slowly
Heart beating fast
Tears rolling down my eyes
Wishing you were here
Holding me alright
Kissing me to slumber
Here I am
Asking the world to reveal you to me
Nights are cold
Eyes seek no slumber
Pain and I breathe the same air
Here I am
Wondering are you okay?
Has the world kissed you goodnight?
Has pain left your side?
Has happiness come yet?
Have you forgotten about me?
Here I am
Wishing you were here with me
Wishing I was there with you
Wishing we were together
Here I am
Lonely
Seeking comfort
Seeking the sound of your voice
Missing the smile on your face
Traces of your touch still visible on my skin
Still hanging onto the scent of your skin
Here I am
Without you
Without me
Without us
Here I am
It's too late
I've lost you
I've made you cry
Here I am
Soaked in regrets
Wrapped in memories of us
Here I am
Awaiting your return
Here I am
My heart seeks your shepherd-ship
lying on my bed
Memories of you roaming my mind
where are you?
Did you stop crying?
I'm here
Waiting for you
Say something
Tell me you still care
Tell me you miss me
Tell me you meant every word
Tell me you haven't let me go
Let me know your heart still beats for me
Here I am
Thinking slowly
Heart beating fast
Tears rolling down my eyes
Wishing you were here
Holding me alright
Kissing me to slumber
Here I am
Asking the world to reveal you to me
Nights are cold
Eyes seek no slumber
Pain and I breathe the same air
Here I am
Wondering are you okay?
Has the world kissed you goodnight?
Has pain left your side?
Has happiness come yet?
Have you forgotten about me?
Here I am
Wishing you were here with me
Wishing I was there with you
Wishing we were together
Here I am
Lonely
Seeking comfort
Seeking the sound of your voice
Missing the smile on your face
Traces of your touch still visible on my skin
Still hanging onto the scent of your skin
Here I am
Without you
Without me
Without us
Here I am
It's too late
I've lost you
I've made you cry
Here I am
Soaked in regrets
Wrapped in memories of us
Here I am
Awaiting your return
Here I am
My heart seeks your shepherd-ship
Please come home
© S Phohleli 2012-04-18
16.4.12
I Love this song
"Breakeven" by The Script
I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just praying to a God that I don't believe in
'Cause I got time while she got freedom
'Cause when a heart breaks no it don't break even
Her best days will be some of my worst
She finally met a man that's gonna put her first
While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping
'Cause when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven... even... no
What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you,
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces
They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
'Cause she's moved on while I'm still grieving
And when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven even... no
What am I gonna to do when the best part of me was always you,
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces
One still in love while the other one's leaving
I'm falling to pieces
('Cause when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)
Oh you got his heart and my heart and none of the pain
You took your suitcase, I took the blame.
Now I'm try'na make sense of what little remains ooh
'Cause you left me with no love and no love to my name.
I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayed to a God that I don't believe in
'Cause I got time while she got freedom
'Cause when a heart breaks no it don't break
No it don't break
No it don't break even no
What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you and
What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok
(Oh glad your okay now)
I'm falling to pieces yeah
(Oh I'm glad your okay)
I'm falling to pieces yeah
(One still in love while the other ones leaving)
I'm falling to pieces
('Cause when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)
Oh it don't break even no
Oh it don't break even no
Oh it don't break even no
Just praying to a God that I don't believe in
'Cause I got time while she got freedom
'Cause when a heart breaks no it don't break even
Her best days will be some of my worst
She finally met a man that's gonna put her first
While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping
'Cause when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven... even... no
What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you,
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces
They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
'Cause she's moved on while I'm still grieving
And when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven even... no
What am I gonna to do when the best part of me was always you,
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces
One still in love while the other one's leaving
I'm falling to pieces
('Cause when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)
Oh you got his heart and my heart and none of the pain
You took your suitcase, I took the blame.
Now I'm try'na make sense of what little remains ooh
'Cause you left me with no love and no love to my name.
I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayed to a God that I don't believe in
'Cause I got time while she got freedom
'Cause when a heart breaks no it don't break
No it don't break
No it don't break even no
What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you and
What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok
(Oh glad your okay now)
I'm falling to pieces yeah
(Oh I'm glad your okay)
I'm falling to pieces yeah
(One still in love while the other ones leaving)
I'm falling to pieces
('Cause when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)
Oh it don't break even no
Oh it don't break even no
Oh it don't break even no
Usher Climaxes
So everyone
has been making a big whooha of Mr Raymond's new song "Climax". I
haven't listened to this song at all because of my always wanting to oppose all
things unnecessarily hyped (or whatever) but I'm tempted to follow the crowd
and not buy the album but download this very blown outta proportion track.
What is the
big deal really I still wanna know, and because of my negativity towards this
"sexy" track already I knowing myself know that I will not conclude
anything good about it at all
I know the first thing that glued people to
this song is the title as if they have never reached that sexual peak in their
lives, cahmon it's just climaxing, we were all (whatever financial stage in our
lives) destined to reach this height of sexual satisfaction in our lives so why
make this very track such big of a deal?
I'm sure we
have all reached that sexual realm that makes u live in the world of your own,
allowing pleasure from only your sexual punisher, to reach that point of total
vulnerability that if your giver decided to stop doing what they do to you,
you'd explode with tears, begging them to be at it on you again, to be at a
level of self sacrifice that you would agree to give up all that you hold dear
to your heart just so they can lead you to that very destination unholy that
even the holy one's make an escape to....
So what is the big deal about this
song?
Is it
because people feel that Mr Raymond has reached a stage foreign to them? Of
course it is foreign to them, it is foreign to all of us, sexual pleasures even
if they take us to the same place of release and utter relief, the routes
getting there differ, making the world of sexual celebrations unique,
mysterious and exciting. It is because of this main difference that a wife
leaves her husband to be fucked by another being who according to her takes her
to that place unholy cluttered with holy sin not even her husband is able to,
furthermore, it is for this reason that a man will leave his wife and pay to be
taken to this destination, because the paid for satisfaction will perform
unrestricted, paying no mind to what you think of her, performing moves on you
that makes it okay for you to call her a slut, but it is still unmentionable
for a wife to do to a man what sluts are known for without being accused of
cheating, being asked "Baby, where did you learn that"? Who taught
you that Siza, who? (A topic for another
day).
So
basically, one way or the other, we all (by fate) reach this epic stage of
sexual pleasure, paying no mind to how we decide to embark on the journey to
get us there...
So what is
the big deal of Usher's song?
I'm still
unsure as to whether I wanna succumb to peer pressure and listen to this
jam...maybe I should
Maybe not
Selfish deeds
the
more I travel my
fingers inside your world undiscovered the more I yearn to be the only one to
lead u that far...selfish
you will say I am and correctly so...but the more I see you at your most vulnerable state the
more I want to be the only being exposed to such beauty...unfair I know you
will say...but the more I hear you moan for my satisfaction the more I want to
be your only sexual punisher...impracticable
I know you will say...but
the more I see you long for me after every kiss every touch...the more I want
to be the only one you long for...stupid
you will say I am
but the more I run my fingers through your scarred yet spotless skin, the more
I give you sexual shivers down your spine, the more I want to be the only one
bearing witness to such African beauty...the
more I look inside your soul bearing such honesty, such vulnerability, such warmth, such
pain, such self consciousness, such perfection,
the more I want to be the only one you ever allow to explore your inner
peace like that
13.4.12
04:06
Dear Friday
Oh how joyful I am that you have finally come.
Truly I missed you buddy, the other days are so mean to me.
I am now counting down to knock off time
Please don't be a stranger
See you same day next week
I love you
Yours loving weekends
Siza
Oh how joyful I am that you have finally come.
Truly I missed you buddy, the other days are so mean to me.
I am now counting down to knock off time
Please don't be a stranger
See you same day next week
I love you
Yours loving weekends
Siza
Something Random
Poetry
... As we cum
rhymes sensual we are left stimulated...you, I, we are words unuttered
Tornado
... As we
twirl our tongues together kissing....tangled we curl some more...beautiful catastrophe
FunLovers
... As we
play hide and seek in each other...our bodies our compass...leaving no clues...clitoris...excitosis
LoveMysteries
... Playing Alice
in wonderland trying to find our own pleasure...lost in each other...rescue me
not...you are my treasure
LoveAuthority
... Interrogating
our deepest desires as we reach our peak...catch me if you can...Lovers on the
loose
LoveCage
...You are
my sexual punisher...mercy not sought....my love imprisonment
...Grab you,
push you away, pull you closer.... seeking discharge from this punishment you afford
me so skilfully
LoveBattle
... Sexual
arguments, passionate sexual fury in your eyes, sexual rage in your voice
... Tease
me, make me beg...don’t do that to me, don’t make me stop I beg of you
LoveRebels
... Uncontrollable,
love stoned, addicted to each other we are
© S Phohleli 2012-04-13
Ahhh Biatch Really?
I’m prone to
being asked stupid questions... Some people just ask stupid questions....which
makes me conclude (correctly so) that they too are stupid...you can’t master
the art of acting stupid without becoming what you master
Below is an
example of a stupid question. Some lady just asked this on Friends of Open closet
(a Facebook page)
(Question as she wrote it):
*jstCurious* z there a
difference btwn a les who has slept wid guys n the one who been sleepn wid
chicks evr since?????????? in terms of...............u knw wat I mean!!!!!
Ever since
what fool?
And No #Biatch!!!
I don’t know what you mean; draw a picture for me will you?
And Lawd she
still writes in MXIT lingo....is it 2012 just to me?
The MadaFucker of all bad hair days
My hair
has been terrible before
but the way my hair looks today or has been looking the past week is just plain
embarrassing. I have relaxed hair but in the form of an afro LOL. I can’t seem
to make up my mind about what I really want (hair wise). I have been on the “I
want dreads” tip for a while hence this orphan look of my hair; I can’t relax
it until I am sure I don’t want dreads anymore. I cut my hair in December (bad
move) so now I have a used to be bob cut and like one of my friends just said,
it does look like a bird’s nest. Honestly If I want proper dreads I will have
to cut my hair and look like someone’s father for like a year and really I am
not willing to look like that no matter the attractiveness of the output. I do
not have a hot body at all so really my hair is all I have going on for me, forget the “ blah blah blah I am not my
hair “ India Arie’s shit because I am my hair, almost all
women are, hence we take ages getting ready for a night out. The “you
are not your hair” crap we hear usually comes from people who have no hair (I
will not at all get into talking about those who have zero hairline because
that is just very sad and I would not wish that on my greatest enemy) and in my
case I have the most beautiful hair, so many people have accused me of wearing
a weave, yep that’s how hot it is. I think
the beauty of my hair was God’s apology for not giving me the hot body I admire
in women and I sort
of forgive him but I would have really appreciated a nice set of boobs since a
flat tummy was not an option (life is so unfair, I blame Mom for that, when the
other women were aiming for hot boyfriends/husbands she had to go for my Dad, I
mean who does that? I am sure she was on some “beauty is in the heart” crap,
plain selfishness, well beauty is in the face, body, wallet and then the
heart). This is of course not the motto I live by but she should have lived by
it for my creation. Anyway back to my hair, I have already established how
blessed I am in terms of the perfect texture of hair, so I just can’t cut my
hair, it’s socially not acceptable for people to look the way I will look after
I have cut it, to paint the picture perfect for you, after cutting my hair I will look like the toy you don’t give
your child at night...
Are you an ANGEL?
Got me feeling somewhat relevant,
Do you make a habit of making complete broken souls?
... To bring glory to the cursed
... To light up the paths of those walking in obscurity
... To make relevant the irrelevant
... To bring glow to the lifeless
... To bring salvation to the transgressors
... To give strength to the feeble
... To bring tranquillity to the noisy
... To make beautiful the beasts
... To make significant the trivial
... To give optimism to the despaired
Is that what you are or did you purpose yourself to become that just for me?
recent irritations
Lately I
always feel the need to be nice to you
Makes me
wanna vomit happy thoughts when you are nice to me...what’s up with that?
You and I
just don’t do nice
Stop it
already....
I miss the old us
Thank you for stopping by :)
I am on 9000
visitors and still counting....
Thank
you...Yes YOU....the one reading this message
Wouldn’t
have gone so far without you
Create within me a patient heart oh Lord
I am a very petulant
and impatient being sometimes and that makes me impossible to be around. Small
things going wrong put me off, I like things done a certain way and because I
am not God and have no power in getting things done or said my way, I mope.
Have we ran out of things to celebrate?
so yesterday was the president's birthday....
what was the big deal again?
When is Twilight Part 2 again because to me, that is more relevant and one heck of a big deal
Still so sad that Harry Porter is gone
what was the big deal again?
When is Twilight Part 2 again because to me, that is more relevant and one heck of a big deal
Still so sad that Harry Porter is gone
So, are you like stupid?
So, how do you guys do it?
So, who's the man?
So, you are a virgin?
So, this means you will never have children?
So, you will not get married?
So, who will be the husband?
So, do you use toys?
So, why don't you just go to men?
So, who's the man?
So, you are a virgin?
So, this means you will never have children?
So, you will not get married?
So, who will be the husband?
So, do you use toys?
So, why don't you just go to men?
12.4.12
I'd Rather Go Blind "Beyonce/EttaJames"
Something told me it was over,
When I saw you and her talking.
Something deep down in my soul said,
Cry Girl (Cry cry),
When I saw you and that girl walking around,
(whoo)
I would rather,
I would rather
go blind boy
Than to see you
walk away from me
Child no
(whoo)
So you see I love you
so much that I don't
want to watch you leave me
Baby
Most of all i just don't
I just don't want to be free
no (whoo whoo)
I was just,
I was just,
I was just sittin' here
thinking of you Kiss and your
warm embrace yeah
When a reflection in
a glass that I held to
my lips now baby (yeah yeah)
revealed these tears
that are on my face
(whoo)
And baby, baby (baby)
I'd rather be blind boy
Than to to see you
walk away
walk away from me
yeah
(baby baby baby)
When I saw you and her talking.
Something deep down in my soul said,
Cry Girl (Cry cry),
When I saw you and that girl walking around,
(whoo)
I would rather,
I would rather
go blind boy
Than to see you
walk away from me
Child no
(whoo)
So you see I love you
so much that I don't
want to watch you leave me
Baby
Most of all i just don't
I just don't want to be free
no (whoo whoo)
I was just,
I was just,
I was just sittin' here
thinking of you Kiss and your
warm embrace yeah
When a reflection in
a glass that I held to
my lips now baby (yeah yeah)
revealed these tears
that are on my face
(whoo)
And baby, baby (baby)
I'd rather be blind boy
Than to to see you
walk away
walk away from me
yeah
(baby baby baby)
Jar of hearts - Christina Perri
I know I can't take one more step towards
you
Cause all that's waiting is regret
And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore?
You lost the love I loved the most
I learned to live, half-alive
And now you want me one more time
And who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are?
I hear you're asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms
I've learned to live, half-alive
Now you want me one more time
Who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are?
Dear, it took so long
Just to feel alright
Remember how to put back
The light in my eyes
I wish I had missed
The first time that we kissed
'Cause you broke all your promises
And now you're back you don't get to get me back
Who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Don't come back at all
And who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don't come back for me
Don't come back at all
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
Cause all that's waiting is regret
And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore?
You lost the love I loved the most
I learned to live, half-alive
And now you want me one more time
And who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are?
I hear you're asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms
I've learned to live, half-alive
Now you want me one more time
Who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are?
Dear, it took so long
Just to feel alright
Remember how to put back
The light in my eyes
I wish I had missed
The first time that we kissed
'Cause you broke all your promises
And now you're back you don't get to get me back
Who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Don't come back at all
And who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don't come back for me
Don't come back at all
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
It will rain - Bruno Mars
If you ever leave me baby,
Leave some morphine at my door
‘Cause it would take a whole lot of medication
To realize what we used to have,
We don’t have it anymore.
There’s no religion that could save me
No matter how long my knees are on the floor
So keep in mind all the sacrifices I’m makin’
Will keep you by my side
Will keep you from walkin’ out the door.
[Chorus]
Cause there’ll be no sunlight
If I lose you, baby
There’ll be no clear skies
If I lose you, baby
Just like the clouds
My eyes will do the same, if you walk away
Everyday it will rain, rain, rain...
I’ll never be your mother’s favorite
Your daddy can’t even look me in the eye
Oooh if I was in their shoes, I’d be doing the same thing
Sayin there goes my little girl
Walkin’ with that troublesome guy
But they’re just afraid of something they can’t understand
Oooh well little darlin’ watch me change their minds
Yeah for you I’ll try I’ll try I’ll try I’ll try
I’ll pick up these broken pieces ’til I’m bleeding
If that’ll make you mine
[Chorus]
Cause there’ll be no sunlight
If I lose you, baby
There’ll be no clear skies
If I lose you, baby
Just like the clouds
My eyes will do the same if you walk away
Everyday it will rain, rain, rain...
[Bridge]
Don’t just say, goodbye
Don’t just say, goodbye
I’ll pick up these broken pieces ’til I’m bleeding
If that’ll make it right
[Chorus]
Cause there’ll be no sunlight
If I lose you, baby
There’ll be no clear skies
If I lose you, baby
Just like the clouds
My eyes will do the same if you walk away
Everyday it will rain, rain, rain...
Leave some morphine at my door
‘Cause it would take a whole lot of medication
To realize what we used to have,
We don’t have it anymore.
There’s no religion that could save me
No matter how long my knees are on the floor
So keep in mind all the sacrifices I’m makin’
Will keep you by my side
Will keep you from walkin’ out the door.
[Chorus]
Cause there’ll be no sunlight
If I lose you, baby
There’ll be no clear skies
If I lose you, baby
Just like the clouds
My eyes will do the same, if you walk away
Everyday it will rain, rain, rain...
I’ll never be your mother’s favorite
Your daddy can’t even look me in the eye
Oooh if I was in their shoes, I’d be doing the same thing
Sayin there goes my little girl
Walkin’ with that troublesome guy
But they’re just afraid of something they can’t understand
Oooh well little darlin’ watch me change their minds
Yeah for you I’ll try I’ll try I’ll try I’ll try
I’ll pick up these broken pieces ’til I’m bleeding
If that’ll make you mine
[Chorus]
Cause there’ll be no sunlight
If I lose you, baby
There’ll be no clear skies
If I lose you, baby
Just like the clouds
My eyes will do the same if you walk away
Everyday it will rain, rain, rain...
[Bridge]
Don’t just say, goodbye
Don’t just say, goodbye
I’ll pick up these broken pieces ’til I’m bleeding
If that’ll make it right
[Chorus]
Cause there’ll be no sunlight
If I lose you, baby
There’ll be no clear skies
If I lose you, baby
Just like the clouds
My eyes will do the same if you walk away
Everyday it will rain, rain, rain...
11.4.12
Heartache victims
May you be freed from this misery when the time is right and have learned all that you were meant to learn with this experience...
I cry for you as I know the very emotions that haunt you at night fall,
I too have been acquainted with the demons of pains that took over your liberty to love, and your desire to see the sunshine and the moonlight
They too haunted me, kept me from slumber, planted seeds of pain in every vein
I knew them by name, they knew me by name, we chanted songs of agony together, danced in the rain of tears tapping to melodies of ache, seeking comfort from words soul piercing I have died a million deaths,
It is after all the misery that proved the existence of her whose existence made my very own existence possible...
The only connection I have with my murderer is the misery I have come to know owing to her and at times I pleasured in pain just to keep her alive
....I delighted in her loss as long as I delighted in the pain that came as a package of keeping her in my thoughts
10.4.12
The words
you say to me make me want to cry, not because they hurt me but because I haven’t reached a
stage of realizing my worth in this life and you make it sound as if I am
worthy, you say to me words so impactful I almost feel important, you knowing
my bare state, speak of me as someone worth paying attention to, as if I matter.
You make me take pleasure in
all that I have been through, not because they have stopped hurting but because you make
it sound as if you would care for me even if I have encountered worse trials. You make me feel beautiful, like I breathe flawlessly, you make
me feel relevant as if someone would cry if I ceased to breathe, as if you
would cry if I stopped breathing, you make me feel like I matter as if people
would stop and listen if I spoke, you
make me pleasure in the body I live in, scarred and broken as it is, you make me feel somewhat
important
I love you...
I have been recently been acquainted with a soul (so
beautiful and scarred by life and all that resides in it) who prefers to say
these words than hear them. She says she has grown to understand what love
really is, that one must be willing to do anything for the person they say they
love, love them without conditions, walk on water if it was humanly possible
without fear of death and she for some odd reason deems no one will ever have
this philosophy when saying these words to her
The Battle
Fought like
cats fighting over milk
We were angry with what had become of us that fighting served as the only testimony to what we once were to each other, we were once souls entwined
Never could I breathe the same air as you and survive
You revealed the devil in me I left when you entered my space
You uttered words that confirmed that the feeling was mutual
I was a misery to you as you were to me
We had to hate each other just so we could still feel for one another
Silently we hoped for things to have been different
So diligent we were to win our friends over to our side of the battle, we had to stick to our story, “we wanted nothing to do with each other” became the theme for the battle
Saw you standing there meticulously flaunting what I no longer had, you played with your body so well I almost touched
I stood there, as farther away from you, you stole a million stares on me
Caught you more than once and secretly I smiled
The mutual friends we shared made the battle somewhat impossible, breathing the same air became obligatory, the involuntarily touching of skin became inevitable,
You were there, I was there, we were there together, indulging in the same air, secretly gazing at each other but we stuck to our own ends of the battle, we wanted nothing to do with each other
Steered clear of any situation that could allow of us to converse, we weren't about to be taken over by words and realize what we still meant to each other
You were there, I was there, you felt the breeze piercing your skin, you ran to me, seeking refuge
I held you, your blood flowing fearlessly, one hand on my thigh, the other exploring my skin,
You stared, I stared, we stared, we lost the battle, we wanted something to do with each other,
You danced for me, danced on me and I followed, leaned so close to me I felt my heart singing yesterday, had my thoughts sprinting back to the sexual celebrations we once hosted and it felt like home
You leaning so close to my lips, making suggestive moves I was suppose to make the most of, you, I, we almost became what we swore we wouldn't become
We lost the battle, we want everything to do with each other
We were angry with what had become of us that fighting served as the only testimony to what we once were to each other, we were once souls entwined
Never could I breathe the same air as you and survive
You revealed the devil in me I left when you entered my space
You uttered words that confirmed that the feeling was mutual
I was a misery to you as you were to me
We had to hate each other just so we could still feel for one another
Silently we hoped for things to have been different
So diligent we were to win our friends over to our side of the battle, we had to stick to our story, “we wanted nothing to do with each other” became the theme for the battle
Saw you standing there meticulously flaunting what I no longer had, you played with your body so well I almost touched
I stood there, as farther away from you, you stole a million stares on me
Caught you more than once and secretly I smiled
The mutual friends we shared made the battle somewhat impossible, breathing the same air became obligatory, the involuntarily touching of skin became inevitable,
You were there, I was there, we were there together, indulging in the same air, secretly gazing at each other but we stuck to our own ends of the battle, we wanted nothing to do with each other
Steered clear of any situation that could allow of us to converse, we weren't about to be taken over by words and realize what we still meant to each other
You were there, I was there, you felt the breeze piercing your skin, you ran to me, seeking refuge
I held you, your blood flowing fearlessly, one hand on my thigh, the other exploring my skin,
You stared, I stared, we stared, we lost the battle, we wanted something to do with each other,
You danced for me, danced on me and I followed, leaned so close to me I felt my heart singing yesterday, had my thoughts sprinting back to the sexual celebrations we once hosted and it felt like home
You leaning so close to my lips, making suggestive moves I was suppose to make the most of, you, I, we almost became what we swore we wouldn't become
We lost the battle, we want everything to do with each other
© S Phohleli
2012-04-10
The Marathon
All I want is lay with you
Converse with you
Be caressed to slumber with the sweet tone of your voice I call my lullaby
Bask in your presence in silence
Hear your heart beat
Make it beat faster as we engage in sexual celebrations
Feel my hands slip on your wet skin as you and I dance to the music made by our bodies
Make you murmur words you don't want me to hear
They sound so foreign, I don't have to hear them, I wanna make you come undone,
I want to be inside of you, making you grab me, push me away, pull me closer, seeking release from this punishment I give to you so beautifully
I make you scream, angrily happy as you tell me more baby more, we engage in sexual arguments,
I can see the passionate sexual fury in your eyes, I can hear the sexual rage in your voice.
I wanting to punish you even further make slow the pace until you beg, "baby please"
I caress, touch violently knowing you are pleased, grabbing you to me, I tease you, you whisper “baby don’t do that to me, please don’t make me stop”
Converse with you
Be caressed to slumber with the sweet tone of your voice I call my lullaby
Bask in your presence in silence
Hear your heart beat
Make it beat faster as we engage in sexual celebrations
Feel my hands slip on your wet skin as you and I dance to the music made by our bodies
Make you murmur words you don't want me to hear
They sound so foreign, I don't have to hear them, I wanna make you come undone,
I want to be inside of you, making you grab me, push me away, pull me closer, seeking release from this punishment I give to you so beautifully
I make you scream, angrily happy as you tell me more baby more, we engage in sexual arguments,
I can see the passionate sexual fury in your eyes, I can hear the sexual rage in your voice.
I wanting to punish you even further make slow the pace until you beg, "baby please"
I caress, touch violently knowing you are pleased, grabbing you to me, I tease you, you whisper “baby don’t do that to me, please don’t make me stop”
I, holding you like a conversation, go inside you so skilfully I hear you cry telling me “baby I like it, ahhhh right there, baby ahhhh just like that, More More More”
I ride you like a roller coaster, making no stops, needing no stops until you, I, we come... in unison
©S Phohleli 2012-04-10
5.4.12
Washed away
We
didn't really talk about your moving away
But
I felt it was gonna happen, the way things were going on I felt the brutal cold
piercing breeze of change nearer
The
storms came and washed you away from my sight
I
cry for your return when the night falls, linger for your touch at noon, yearn
for your presence always
Now
things aren't the way they used to be
I
feel robbed, I feel lonely, and I feel lost
There
are so many things I wish I could say
So
many wrongs I want to make right
So
many opportunities of loving you I want to make most of
Too
many could haves, would haves, should haves
But
now you are gone
We
are only connected by the wires of the phone, and that’s just not fair
Been
gone too long that even your scent has departed from the sheets
The
shadows of your smiles are fading away
'cause
you are gone
©
S Phohleli 2012-04-05
any excuse to give a fuck
I just wanna have those out of nowhere stupid serious arguments that always lead to fucking
Tonight's the night - Lady is coming home
Someone’s coming home tonight
She decided to take the afternoon bus just to make me miss
her some more
And boy do I miss her
Can’t wait for her to enter our home
I will jump on her like some demented dog
I just wanna be close to her,
... Talk to her, see her smile,
... See her get pissed over stupid things,
... Fight with her for watching wrestling and paying less
attention to me,
... seduce her while she is watching her favourite show on
TV knowing she can't say no, she's as much of a sex junkie as I am,
... Have her hold me throughout the night,
... Wake her at 3 in the morning asking her for sex, her irritated
yet "let's do it" voice is just priceless
... Oh but my lady snores and uhmmm farts like a pig, in my
case love is deaf...lmao
... And stupid me I still love her, LOL
4.4.12
I care
How do I not
show care?
When you making everything alright by virtue of your presence
When you making everything alright by virtue of your presence
Soothing every
ache by your mere voice
Resurrecting
my deceased hope with just your touch
You came
into my life with intentions to have me know your feelings for me live
Bruised and
battered as you are, without harness you offered me your heart
Sadly shared
with you the news of my reality and all my ties
Yet you
remained rooted in me
Could have
called you daft but I chose to call you brave
How do you
pleasure in having your claws buried in the pits of my soul when my heart might
never be wholly yours?
Yesterday Blues
I am a member of a group called “poetic design”, it’s a Facebook page. So the people are utterly gifted in this group, they make me feel like my writing is for kindergarden children, about 99.9% of my poetry is about personal experiences or close encounters with the theme in question and the things these people write about are astounding and remarkable and mature, my prayer to God still remains, I want him to make of me a poetry slut or a words-whore, whatever he is able to give me really. Anyway enough about the background check because it’s not at all my focus for writing this note. Someone asked a very fascinating question on poetic design and the question was: Why is it that most writers struggle to write love poems but when love brings pain, poetry flows endlessly? I think when we are in love, no matter how buried we may be in our lovers souls, we are constantly planning the exit strategy, we deal with love lost while still in love, I think we do this just to protect ourselves and to maybe fool ourselves into thinking it’s not going to hurt that much. When that dreadful moment finally comes and we have to wave so long to what once made us leap to incredible heights, we are ready, words armed to describe the feelings, to label pain and to act victims. We programme ourselves to forget what love once meant to us so we can deal with what now is, forgetting that as painful as love now is, it doesn’t disappear overnight, with pride or shame, we still bear the footprints of love and we pain because love still echoes in our heart. We don’t hurt because love is gone, we pain because we detest the sad reality that the love we would love to forget forever creeps on us, keeping us from slumber, seeking embrace, having the foot of our hearts still glued to what no longer describe what and where we now are. We mourn for loss, professionally labelling each emotion so we can say we endured and maybe get to be called strong, only the weak dwell on has-been’s the world has made us believe. Silently we are all weak, we proudly sob for yesterday, we call for yesterday as if she were a friend, we reluctantly yet cheerfully reminisce so we can confirm to ourselves that yesterday really did exist. We cry for yesterday while simultaneously celebrating the fact that yesterday is still better than today. Sometimes pain is all we have to prove that yesterday wasn’t a figment of our imagination, so we will gladly dwell in pain so we can tell tales of yesterday, tales camouflaged in love.
3.4.12
It’s been 5
months since my girlfriend relocated to the coast; I can’t say my life will
reach any further pits of despair, I think I epitomize pain. It feels like the
one person whose presence meant the world to me was taken away from me. Now I
have to rely on just hearing her voice which isn’t fair nor is it enough, the
telephone can’t take the place of her smile. I worry about her every day. Is she okay, is she safe, did she eat, is she
warm are the questions I ask God every day. I can’t even hold her when she
cries nor can I dance with her when she is happy. I don’t think the distance
between us is fair but then again I doubt my feelings even matter to the
heavens
Strange Kinda Love
You got that
thing I never used to like
That face that lacks beauty
the voice not deep, lacking melody
the body not perfect, boobs not so round, legs not so fine....Ugly duckling!
Everything about you is flawed
But eccentrically I find you perfect
You got that thing that makes un-pretty girls pretty... Yikes!
I see so much beauty in you, I almost feel blind, am I blind?
Your voice serenades every worry to sleep,
Your arms perfect your body as I lay on you, you are my lullaby
Got the kinda smile that soothes all that aches, I call you my pain free zone
Got the kinda touch that makes me shiver down my soul with pleasure
Got me hooked on things I was destined to find un-cool....Eeuw!
Got the aura so divine, you make me worship the imperfect being in you
you baby are the perfect kind of imperfect, the beautiful beast, the noisy lullaby
You caress the depths of my soul with your smile
you are a goddess, that lady so mysterious I have purposed myself to uncover the mystery in you
you are worth every beautiful word
That face that lacks beauty
the voice not deep, lacking melody
the body not perfect, boobs not so round, legs not so fine....Ugly duckling!
Everything about you is flawed
But eccentrically I find you perfect
You got that thing that makes un-pretty girls pretty... Yikes!
I see so much beauty in you, I almost feel blind, am I blind?
Your voice serenades every worry to sleep,
Your arms perfect your body as I lay on you, you are my lullaby
Got the kinda smile that soothes all that aches, I call you my pain free zone
Got the kinda touch that makes me shiver down my soul with pleasure
Got me hooked on things I was destined to find un-cool....Eeuw!
Got the aura so divine, you make me worship the imperfect being in you
you baby are the perfect kind of imperfect, the beautiful beast, the noisy lullaby
You caress the depths of my soul with your smile
you are a goddess, that lady so mysterious I have purposed myself to uncover the mystery in you
you are worth every beautiful word
© S Phohleli 2012-04-03
2.4.12
This
weekend I realized
that as sweet and rude as I am, I cannot take disrespect in any form, I am the
typa person who will say all the wrong things at the wrong time but after all's
been said and done I am still able to woman-up and ask for forgiveness. The same aggression I showed fucking you up is the same passion and humility I
will show pleading for mercy. The one thing I abhor is a person disrespecting
me and having no balls to apologize. Tell me you didn't mean it, say something.
Don't just not say anything because your silence means that every word you said was no mistake and you can’t expect to move on to
the future not having rectified your wrongs, I understand that I will have also
pissed you off, said things I shouldn’t have said, made you cry but I also
apologized and I
expect you to do the same.
time lost
We could
have been supernatural
We could
have flown with the eagles
We could have dined with the angels
We could have redefined love and rewritten it with our names
We could have created the stars together
We could have been inseparable
We could have been totally remarkable together
We could have been the envy of every soul
We could have been one masterpiece
We could have been important to each other
We could have been what we failed to become to each other when time still approved us
Now we no longer can be what we were destined to be
We let slip an era that could have recreated our lives
Cluttered with wishful thoughts of what is now against time
Drowning in moments lost
Wounded by words unsaid
Suffocating in sentiments unshared
Who are we to think we can now reverse fate?
We could have dined with the angels
We could have redefined love and rewritten it with our names
We could have created the stars together
We could have been inseparable
We could have been totally remarkable together
We could have been the envy of every soul
We could have been one masterpiece
We could have been important to each other
We could have been what we failed to become to each other when time still approved us
Now we no longer can be what we were destined to be
We let slip an era that could have recreated our lives
Cluttered with wishful thoughts of what is now against time
Drowning in moments lost
Wounded by words unsaid
Suffocating in sentiments unshared
Who are we to think we can now reverse fate?
© S Phohleli
2012-04-02
If you’re not the one "Daniel Beddingfield"
If you’re
not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you’re not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all
I never know what the future brings
But I know you are here with me now
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
If I don’t need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don’t need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you’re not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you’re not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?
I don’t know why you’re so far away
But I know that this much is true
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you’re the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life
I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
‘Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
‘Cause I love you, whether it’s wrong or right
And though I can’t be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side
I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
If you’re not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all
I never know what the future brings
But I know you are here with me now
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
If I don’t need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don’t need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you’re not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you’re not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?
I don’t know why you’re so far away
But I know that this much is true
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you’re the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life
I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
‘Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
‘Cause I love you, whether it’s wrong or right
And though I can’t be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side
I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
:(
I'm moving to a new desk (where my boss can clearly see my screen to a point that she'd correct me if I spelt a word wrong) so I won't get to update my blog so often....I will try update it at least once a week
Hard to read you are
You are so fickle
you whine, you cry, you snap
I'm tired of being pained and expected to make you smile
how do you become the reason to my misery and expect me to be your hero?
Constantly stoning me with faces of disapproval
Pushing me against the wall
bashing me with silent treatment
Raping me with words intended to kill
Yet you expect me to be your knight in shining armour
You confuse me so much I think you confuse yourself
I look through the windows of your soul
To educate myself about the mysteries of confusion and pain that have found residence in you
I grow weary of constantly trying to look through that heavy moisten window
Can't seem to follow you I'm certain you too are lost in your own path
Words I utter never seem to complete their task in you as you close up and counter unnecessarily
I, in frustration try to force my way through the dusty window but words painful, acts piercing are hurled at me
I grow weary trying to dodge the bullets of your words thrashing my soul in two
It's become so cumbersome to have to cautiously count the words I say to you
Have made me believe I live my life under interrogation and that doesn't please me whatsoever
you whine, you cry, you snap
I'm tired of being pained and expected to make you smile
how do you become the reason to my misery and expect me to be your hero?
Constantly stoning me with faces of disapproval
Pushing me against the wall
bashing me with silent treatment
Raping me with words intended to kill
Yet you expect me to be your knight in shining armour
You confuse me so much I think you confuse yourself
I look through the windows of your soul
To educate myself about the mysteries of confusion and pain that have found residence in you
I grow weary of constantly trying to look through that heavy moisten window
Can't seem to follow you I'm certain you too are lost in your own path
Words I utter never seem to complete their task in you as you close up and counter unnecessarily
I, in frustration try to force my way through the dusty window but words painful, acts piercing are hurled at me
I grow weary trying to dodge the bullets of your words thrashing my soul in two
It's become so cumbersome to have to cautiously count the words I say to you
Have made me believe I live my life under interrogation and that doesn't please me whatsoever
© S Phohleli 2012-04-02
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