The Truth about Fall

As she paged through the pages of my womanhood, I knew history was about to me made

I rejoice at the sight of nightfall

replay the moments

when you came on me that silly night

Twinkle Twinkle little star

The lipstick of your shirt shines brighter than your lies

 

Twinkle Twinkle little star

How I wish she was worth your loss

© S Phohleli 2012-10-09

SEASONS

You left me in the WINTER of my destruction
the 11th hour before my redemption
you rubbed a piercing cold from the crusts of my solitude
against my already cracked skin that left me
calling for the angel of death
pining for her as if she were a lover
like a chandelier I hung from the roof of her mercy asking her to save me
AUTUMN stripped me off the leaves of my sanity
as I SPRING back to regrets of why I never freed myself off of you way
before my tears rained
harder than the
SUMMER showers

Someone please tell me I've made it home

Safe though not sound

That life is still worthwhile

I lost the sound of my voice in the wilderness

when you came on me with your hand on my mouth

as you ordered me not to move an inch

Me

I'm not your typical girl next door, not at all your "let's sit down and talk about it" typa girl and I know that I am not always good to have around. Sometimes I'm more of a storm than summer breeze; sometimes I swear and forget to write you love letters to hide under your pillow when you wake in the morning. Sometimes I'm more thorns than roses, sometimes I'm more on sad hymns than writing you sweet melodies, sometimes I break and expect you to catch me even if that's accompanied by daggers of words through your heart but still you smile. I see you everyday sacrificing a piece of your soul to teach me life, I see you holding on to me with your pillow drenched in tears as you mourn yet another part of your soul. I see you everyday teaching me lessons about God and self sacrifice...

As the night sleeps in me
I remember the reason I danced when the sunlight touched my toes that they curled up in awe
Loud cymbals in honour of the new day
I stood in the confession booth of my misery
And laid without care how recklessly I have fallen for you

You have become such a glutton for pain
that you feast on her
even when happiness
is on the other plate

I will never understand
how you always confuse
thorns for roses
Sometimes I think
you are the Messiah of agony

She let me roll my tongue at the tip of her tongue

and that's the deepest conversation we've had

I dribble and turned to the corner of her eye

and that's the first time I knew she cared

© S Phohleli 2012-10-03

The Vacillation

We hailed "Abba Father"

as we fell into temptation

with both our hands digging deep into the forbidden jar

We chanted hymns of disbelief

as we laid awake on the bed of our sins

under the white sheets of yesterday's declaration

The morning after the fall

We moved to the tunes of broken promises, uninspired

Dancing on flames of hurt

Echoes of silent words

with hands covered with the blood of our indecision

The oil of sin dripped from our crowns

as we sang Bloody Mary to our sorrows

Crucifying every word that once pained us

Nailing them with torment

through the exchange of bodily fluids

as we partook in sexual debates

©S Phohleli 2012/10/03

Break Free

You fell in love with your pain that you can't tell the difference between agony and affection

That you can't turn off the voices of doubt in your head, you carry them in the space that should carry my heart with the same hands that should pat me to serenity

You have made music from every echo of misfortune that all your limbs fluently bend to the tunes of calamity

You have become so trapped in your tales of failure that you despise the reality of how you have won my heart

Have become so accustomed to defeat that you spit venom at the idea of victory and flee from the sounds of happiness

You have confined yourself in the yesterday's fall

and have become sightless to the love I spatter you with every Sunday morning

 

How to love a woman

“You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect - you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there.


Bob Marley

The sun came looking for you
Yet again you were nowhere to be found

Could it be that you were under someone else's sheets
 Again?

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It was a sad day

that day

when she realised

there was

something better

than the love

we effortlessly shared

That painful day

when she threw

the portraits of our love

out the window

from the 7th floor

that best kept

the scent of her new love

she thought out loud

Oblivious to the sounds

that escaped from her lips

It was a cloudy day

that promised rain drops of my tears

enough to feed the soil

to destruction

that I realised

that perhaps

it was okay

to not fight at all

for the milk that already

adorned the tiles

of our house

the minute she uttered

"please don't wait up for me"

I don't want the sunshine

if it doesn't shine in your eyes

I don't want warmth

if it's not in your arms

I won't worship the moon

if it won't lead you home

how I envy the winds that bear the traces of your scent

I bless the soil that taps to the tunes of your footsteps

Blessed are those who bask in the sounds of your voice

as you partake in conversations

that should have been with me

I still remember those moments

when we laid awake at night,

our forms flawlessly adorning the lawn,

when we counted the stars in the sky

and you said the brightest one was mine

 you kissed me a little

we ended up making love

our bodies in sync with our leaping hearts

and the neighbours almost saw us

those moments haunt me

to the edge

of destruction

as I mourn

the absence

of your affection

My Kinda Lover

She sang lullaby to my blues

and

Popped the worries outta my mind

The thought of you
Makes me cringe
With excitement
As I wander
On the lanes of memory
Reminiscing on how we became
That crazy day
Still makes me laugh
That crazy day
That began you and me
Against all odds
No support from the community
We became
On that faithful day
That marks anniversary
to our strange kinda affair