20.9.11

Torn

My heart is torn into pieces that can never repair
My heart cannot decide what the saddest part is,
My endless days without you...
That first moment of consciousness when I wake up in the morning...
The reality that you have freed yourself of me...
A part of me withers and dies when I think of what I used to be to you
I wish that I could find a way to the part of you that's lost
When I think of you, my mind speaks of a thousand words
Just not the words I need to hear
Words of loss, words of defeat
I feel so morbid, lost without your presence in my life

How I want to come to terms with the reality that you can never be a part of me
How I want to come to terms with the reality that you do not want to be a part of me
How I want to wake from the perception that you can learn to accept my existence
I have put my heart on mute so it does not cry out loud
I have put shades over my heart so you don’t see how it bleeds

So many times I have tried to burn any memories of what could not be
As I let us burn, I watched our memories burn down my sanctuary
I then strolled through the ashes, and ruins of my happiness and sanity,
Thinking it would miraculously rebuild itself.
Hoping you would return to me