Beastly

She gruesomely laid on me pain
Such beauty I accepted anguish with a smile
She smiling told me it wouldn't hurt
She psychotically told me to smile
She made me hurt myself
Hurt herself
We delighted in pain, beautiful misery
She laid there almost dead
I prayed for her death
We prayed for salvation
She resurrected
I almost too shaken
Begged her to hurt me
Hurt me beyond death so I too can resurrect
We in unison cut the wrists of happiness
Submerged in the total despair
We sang praises to pain
She held me by my hand
As she led me to death
As I implored her to end me nicely
She put my happiness to sleep
Together we were pained
Together we were wounded
Sitting in the corner of death with angels of Satan
They prayed for our fall
We prayed for pain
Pain united us
Gladly we delighted in pain
Sang choruses of defeat
Together we were in misery
She was to me what I was to her
She my beautiful compeller, I the emotional wreck, such supremacy she has on me, we tapped only to rhymes that were pleasing just to her, so gladly I moved to beats of anguish for she worshiped the beauty of the gushing blood as she pained herself, such beauty I was drawn to my knees
Such purity I inadvertently became a believer
She was a friend of death, I the enemy of life
She was a messenger of the dark, I the opposition of light
She the beast, I the fallen angel
Together we were labelled by situations that defined our fears

I got sorry greeting me at the front door, you can keep yours, I'm gonna leave a message on my voice mail if you called to say you sorry than call somebody else, cos I don't use them anymore, let sorry sooth your soul, I'll sooth mine... I'm not gonna call you I'm not gonna be nice, I'm gonna yell, I'm gonna scream, I'm gonna break things, I'm gonna tell all your secrets about you to your face and I'm not gonna be sorry for none of it. I loved you on purpose, I was open on purpose. I'm not even gonna be sorry about you being sorry, I can't use another sorry

For Colored Girls

Mama’s Boyfriend

For as long as I know life I've known him
After Mother slaughtered herself as life had failed her, he took me in, the father who was never really mine
Helped me grow, he said he was pruning me for a moment greater than myself
That when that moment comes, I mustn't question  him
Grew breasts, he grew different
saw him staring at my bosom, he said I was beautiful, uttered words he found pleasing to him, words I gathered I was too young to understand
Adorned my face with makeup, covered my lips with gloss, combined my straight, dangling ear rings he helped me wear, said a lady is pretty
Said he was gonna show me off to his friends, I turned out better than he expected, he was my proud inventor he said, his prized possession he labelled me
That dark night he came in my room to sing me a lullaby, never was a singer but he said he planned this night all his life so he sang in celebration
Mystified I asked the reason for the need to sing me a lullaby when he never did so in the past, what was this that he deemed worthy to be celebrated,  never was he able to answer direct questions, as anticipated he had no answer
He said we looked good together just the way he had imagined it, as good as they looked with mother, she was such a disappointment though he said, was never pretty like I was, I had to do what mother failed to do, he commanded
What he expected of me to do remained uncovered, I figured it would be a learn as you go process but nothing about it was comforting
Felt the rising of hair, the cold of the skin, tears in my eyes as he leaned closer to teach me
Told me to relax it wouldn't hurt, I needed to flow he again commanded
It was time to taste what he helped cook he said boastfully
He as if he derived pleasure kissed me, felt his tongue inside my mouth, I vomited
Cleaned me up and said I needed to behave
As if I was expected to respond he touched me, touched me in ways that would drive the pastor to his knees I cried
Felt all alone, felt betrayed, nothing about what was being done to me was worth any form of smile let alone a celebration
Relax and trust him he said I must
Said he was pruning me for such a time, for womanhood he prepared me, I owed him my existence he said
Said the first time would hurt but it will be better next time if I'm a good girl
Spit in my delicate place, said he liked it wet
He climbed on me, as if he was possessed, grabbed me, as if I was supposed to feel anything, he commanded me to follow his lead
Ladies know how to move he said, asked me to mimic his moves
He inserted a thing that was in him within me and I cried
Screamed for help yet no one would hear
He kept breathing heavy on me as if I was a meal he's been waiting for
As if I should feel proud, he patted me on the shoulder, saying next time will be better, next time I should be better, he wasn't upset with me but next time I should be better he said

I'm in the room with her
She's with someone else
Speaks of someone else
Thinks of someone else
My heart can't help but sink in pain
She says she's with me
But I can tell I lost her mental presence long ago
I can tell she no longer is with me
She, though her body lies next to me, is buried in someone else's soul

Missing you madly
You left your scent on my pillow
Shadows of you spooking our home
Your voice still echoing in my head
When will I see you again?

A non believer will not believe

Bearing scars of disappointment
You have become immune to care
Witness to the wounds of yesterday
You have caged your heart
Letting no one in to clean the wounds
Sing praises of your beauty I do
You have become deaf to honesty
Touching you to the depth of your soul
Yet you feel nothing, you feel something but you will not admit even to yourself
The innocent paying the price of your past transgressors
How do I redeem myself on their behalf?
When will the mortgage be paid up I intend to settle it without delay  

Nandipha's note

Almost doesn’t count

It seemed like a far away dream

So close, yet so near.

 My dream was you.

 Woke up each day close to you, your body was with me

But your soul was lost.

Many a day you uttered words of love

 These words gave me hope, were my reason to live

Yet to you they were filled with doubt.

The strength I gave u was more than that of Hercules

But still, you couldn’t shake the doubt.

I was Cupid's sidekick when it came to you, but still...u were so blue.

Till one day, when you finally found your soul...it was ALMOST there with me.

But you realized you were more doubtful than sure.

Till then you realized how happy my happiness DOESNT make you...

Till that fateful day...when you waited to tell me of the loss...

You just sat there pondering...with no doubt...

And all you could do was COUNT the minutes till I arrived...

Final hour "Vivian Green"

I loved you, just too much
You owned my emotions
Devoted, completely
You had me, I couldn't see
No one else, by myself
I remained through the pain
You were all that mattered
But now I know there's better

So I walked away
while it rained down my face
I turned away
From the pain of hurting me

I gave you full control
my mind, my body soul
Confusion, delusions, untruthful, unfaithful
Weighed down my self-esteem
Never again will I give
My power, to be me
And be free, now I see

Kissing you "Desree"

Pride can stand a thousand trials,
the strong will never fall
But watching stars without you,
my soul cried.
Heaving heart is full of pain,
oh, oh, the aching.
'Cause I'm kissing you, oh.
I'm kissing you, oh.
Touch me deep, pure and true,
gift to me forever
'Cause I'm kissing you, oh.
I'm kissing you, oh.
Where are you now?
Where are you now?
'Cause I'm kissing you.
I'm kissing you, oh.

Disinclined waves of goodbye

After an epic night...unvoiced praises, unspoken thanksgivings, inadvertent worshipping, and the sweat,

Left me drenched in utter happiness

Left me humming your name in all my thoughts

Left me calling you baby, calling you sweetheart, calling you mine

Left me still dancing to the music we danced to last night,

Drowning in memories of what was when you and I were...having silent conversations with our bodies we were so loud

Left me replaying the art we made with our bodies

Still worn-out from the rhythm we made all night long

And then you must say good-bye, the dawn has come and it's not in our favour

I don't ever want to say good-bye but my obligations offer me no freedom to ignore the callings of my reality

Reluctantly I wave good-bye, kiss you good-bye, whisper in your ear "I will see you soon, don't you forget me"

Father why have you forsaken me?

Every day I think of you. Pray for you, almost pray to you asking you to make things happen for me, maybe it's because I feel you are closer to the source of my answers, that's what my grandma told me.

Every day I smile because of you, you have made a habit of visiting my thoughts, sometimes it hurts as thoughts of you are the only connection I have with you

I talk about you to my friends, brag about your greatness; tell them how much of life you have taught me

Still can't come to terms with the fact that you no longer are accessible to me, that no technology can connect me to you, denial is the only way of keeping you alive.

You left too soon, before I got my first salary, just a few months before I could take you out, buy you a jersey since you hated the cold, buy you a packet of cigarettes and buy you a carton of umqombothi.

Every day I wish you were here, in every storm I wish you were there to talk me into holding on, sometimes I feel lonely, sometimes I feel scared, I have no father to run to because you left me.

Without a warning you up and left and left no letter of explanation, never knew if you fought to stay, I saw life drain life off of you but still you should have stayed just so you can tell me how proud of me you are.

I was there when you laid on that bed fighting for your life, walked miles from school just to see that you still were there, just to make sure they gave you something to eat, gave you water to drink and bathed you but you neglected to tell me you wouldn't fight any longer, did you even fight?

I have grown, a woman now, I think you’d be proud if you saw me, maybe you do see me and are proud; I have so many questions, no one to tell me wise words, so much confused I am. Mommy can't teach me about women as much as you would, sometimes I mess up good relationships because I don't always know how to hold on and how to spot something good, sometimes I need tips on how to ask for forgiveness when I have erred when words aren't enough. Sometimes I just want tips on how to care and respect women better and sometimes I need a pat on the shoulder when I have done well. Sometimes I want to sit in your presence, do my work while you tell me to stop fighting with my younger brother; you always hated it when we fought.

Sometimes I wish you'd show yourself, just to confirm that you are looking after me, that you haven't completely left me, all I need is a sign (nothing drastic as I will probably run away), just something small to show that you still care and that I am still your favourite daughter.

Daddy, are you warm there?

Yours in anger

You are angry, I am angry, aren't we just in the perfect state to reach cloud infinity?

You didn't mean it nor did I but are we not in the most tasteful nature to reach the peak of our sexual celebrations?

Dive inside me in fury as I dip inside you in anger, raging unity

So let's not apologise but do pardon me for my careless

Not that I care not for your happiness but I love it when you angry

 Not that I love you more in fury you just look tastier in rage

 Is it wrong to find you ravishing when you wear that angry face?

 Can I selfishly, seeking no consolations, be mad at you?

 So that I can, perhaps I can, maybe you can

 Let me kiss you hard,

 Touch you mad,

 Dip my tongue inside you

 Let me hear the sound of your moaning

 I have can go deaf from your sexual cries

 Let me go beyond your limits so I can free you from boundaries

 Let me apologise, don't you apologise but I like me angry

© S Phohleli 2012-05-04

That look

I love how you look at me

 As if you don’t want to look at me

As if you are scared I will catch you

But you stare so much that without seeing your eyes fixed on me, I feel you

I feel you, I hear you talking to me without the uttering of words

I feel you, I feel you touching me without any touching of skin

I love how you look at me as if you are scared of me

As if you are doubtful that I too find myself staring at you

Truth is I stare and fear that you too might catch me so I look away before you could see my weakness

I love how you call my name

As if it's music to your ears

Remedy to your ache

Your ray of hope

I love how restless we become before we meet

As if time is against us

As if, just to spite us, it stops

As if, to punish us, it pays no mind to our urges

As if we are better than time

As if we rival against the hands of time

Tick tock! Tick tock! Even time can't catch up to us

So me talk, you talk, we beat faster than time, so we talk tales leading to our epic union

We tick together against time

I love how you look at me

As if I am some Goddess you want to worship

As if I am some Empress you want to serenade with words only defining beauty

As if you breathe just for me

As if my heart beats just for you

I love how you look at me

As if you want to birth the poetic mistress within me

As if you want me to prove to myself for myself that I am worthy of all your affection

I love how you look at me

As if you can’t take your eyes off of me

© S Phohleli 2012-05-04

Hey you

So I have been feeling rather lonesome without you

Feeling as if you have abandoned me

Feeling as if you don’t care anymore

You said you’d come for me, I held on tight on that promise

But this time you took too long as if you’ve found a new companion

I hope is there is no truth in this, tell me I’m just being paranoid I beg of you

Dear Friday, I’m glad you finally came

Morning Glory

Don’t stop... harder... yes there...faster.....

and in unison.....

we come

Goodbye’s not an option so don’t say the word

One girl ... Common interest

I think your girl is cheating on us

love letter

You are the words
You are the paper
Your love is the ink
I write tales of happiness
I have dined with the angels because you fell in love with me
You defied destiny
Loved me beyond fate's approval
You defied me
Loved me for myself, something destiny failed to afford me with
You are the words I want to hum till I become lifeless
That very paper that has held me captive in happiness
You have splashed me with the ink of your love, leaving me stained with joy
You are the letter of love that got delayed in the mail, Mr post man has a grudge on me
Finally you are here,  and I can't put you down
Dear you, dear me, hold me dear to you
Faithfully yours, faithfully mine, be mine beyond the post office boundaries,

Turn a blind eye to every post man who wants to steal you from me
the letters of love have become a part of me, you are my love letter
Signed, sealed and delivered to my heart

My Twilight she is

Because whenever I think Twilight I think her

I shiver at the thought of sunset as it is going be yet another night without her

Another winter under my sheets

The nightmare specialist promised to hurt me again tonight

The silence that clutters the emptiness of my home

The dreams I could dream better if she was here with me

I think of her and I see the rays of the sun

That ray of hope that dominates my every being whenever I breathe the air of dawn

A new day that still doesn't bring her home

A day closer to tomorrow, hopefully she will be home at tomorrow's twilight

Should tomorrow not birth her presence, I will cry a little, mourn a little, pray a little and smile a little

Until she returns home, I will dedicate every twilight, every sunshine, every moonlight, every star, every rain fall, and every sound of wind to her

While I delightfully drench myself in every tear, every prayer, every lonesomeness waiting for her to knock on my door

Hope hasn't yet left my side

Satisfy you - Puff Daddy feat. R.Kelly

Decided to loosen up a bit and stop being such a bore this weekend and watching TV was one of my resolutions, so I tuned in on trace TV and my all time favourite song was playing "Satisfy you by Puff Daddy feat. R.Kelly" a blast from the past I tell you, purely nostalgic, had me singing out loud like a loser listening to an iPod in a public transport. I had just moved to the city from the Eastern Cape when BOP TV played this song every morning when I got ready for school. I didn't understand what Puff Daddy and R.Kelly were singing about but I gathered it was about a woman who was cheating as shown in the video of course and that was my only understanding but that didn't stop me from singing this song and yes I sang it all wrong as I really couldn't hear what these dudes where saying, except R.Kelly's part of the chorus where he kept saying "He don't have to know, He don't have to know"

 Strangely this song took me back to the time I spent in Eastern Cape, all my years before my teens, the time when I was scared to dream, the possibilities of my dreams coming true then were non-existent. Being part of a crowd that prohibited dreams as it was a waste of time didn't make it any easier. So I dreamt silent dreams, never dared mentioned the pleasures I delighted in at night, no one was supposed to know I saw tomorrow with a hopeful eye, it was tabooed to even mention things that were not of today. I had to be lifeless in order for my existence to be noticed, had to be totally consumed by the crowd to at least part take in conversations, who would dare find me cool if I spoke of the future with excitement? The closest to the future we ever were meant to be was to talk about or plan tomorrow's meal. We had to be enthusiastic about where we would find the next plate, that part was worth dwelling on, and that part alone. No one was expected to delight in anything else but that and who was I to cross the line and opt to dream instead? That was a punishable offence, one that would cost one a meal and I wasn't about to starve to death in the name of dreams. Completely swallowed by the crowd, fully submerged in negativity, I obeyed the commands without opposition. And then I moved to the city... Lights, Robots, Cars, TV, set, go... A whole new world... I was slapped in the face by the world I never knew existed, had to wipe off the sleep and catch a wake up. The rural girl mindset had to depart from me instantly, I had to be City-wise. No rehearsals, No screen shots, no auditions, my city life was put into play without being asked if I was ready and I had to more than adapt, I had to live. The city and everything in it was fast paced and therefore had to adjust my life accordingly and fast. The city was like chalk and cheese to what I grew up with, philosophies completely different, I now had to choose between dreams and pregnancy, while everyone else my age chose to stand by the corner at night with the boys, stupid me (so everyone thought) I chose to dream.

 However, set apart from the crowd as I was, I felt cheated by the universe, while everyone in my hood was going to multi-racial schools, I went to a public school in the heart of the hood and speaking English with no accent sold me out to many. I wasn't cool enough so I buried myself in my books and told tales of a bright future to myself and for myself so I could at least believe in something. I wasn't fair that Mom wasn't able to take me to such schools, so unfair. But as robbed as I felt, this lack made me more driven, certain of what I wanted, and having to walk 5 km to school made this dream even more worthy to dream. My dream was to live a life that was better than the life I was accustomed to, having to struggle for every penny wasn't what I was fated for; I believed it was something greater than that, it had to. I may not have been destined to dine with the rich and famous but a better life with minimal struggle, should struggle be necessary, was the least the universe could offer me, heaven owed me that much.

 Battled through varsity, finally graduated, now employed by the leading car manufacturer in SA in the core department of the company, I am glad I was bold enough to dream. I am pleased that I had the ability to envision for myself the life even the parents and their forefathers never dared to dream of. If I be a product of anything in this life, I am a product of my dreams, cherishing all the scars that mark the journey to where I am now.

Stupid crazy love

I cringe with excitement when I think of you,
My face deformed from all the smiles you afford me with, what did you do to me?

My heart leaps for joy when it beats just for you, fuck what have we done?

I tell you crazy tales, just to make you smile, oh boy how I love your smile

You genuinely laugh at my jokes, damnit you are too cool

Made of me an insomniac as I think of you all night long, oh how I miss my sleep

You love me as if its second nature, can't help but love you back as effortlessly without caution

Just like Usher I got it bad, don't you dare burn me, I have brothers who will hunt you down and cut off your hair and steal all your make-up if you do
Got that thing that melts my stoned heart, what are you? The incredible hulk?
Got that smile that weakens my every limb, you are my Cinderella
Oh my Goddess you got that thing about you that makes me feel at home, not in some blah blah blah let’s get married at Las Vegas with a ring from a lucky packet typa thing but in some I want you to meet my Mom kinda way

The rollercoaster bitter sweet life

I look at my life as it is now, for what it is, how I want it to be and I'm thankful it no longer is what it used to be and no longer located in that place of despair, shame and pain anymore. I have completely moved away from self-destructive thoughts, I have come to completely understand who, why, what, and how God really is in my life. I am prone to being trialled and tested but I have birthed within me a Job perspective, that mentality that believes in my shepherd without question, knowing that one day when he pleases and how he pleases he will lead me to the Promised Land like he did Lot.

As un-pretty as I sometimes feel I know that I am not completely gruesome. As fat as I always feel I know that I am not obese, people don't look at me and go yikes, so I'm not entirely unattractive I have with success convinced myself. Never really know what people mean when they say they've come far and without interrogating this common statement any further, I too believe I have come pretty far.

 I still get ' you have insufficient funds' from the ATM when I try and withdraw cash optimistically, I still get 'it's sold out, try next time' when I decide to get tickets beyond the deadline date, just taking my chances I was, I still get 'can we get you a bigger size Miss?', that's because they have small cuts on everything I always convince myself, I still get 'I'm not interested in fact you are not my type' when I try and chat up a lady, LOL Biatch I'm taken, just wanted to tell you to fix that wig it's about to fall, I still get "we are sorry but your application was unsuccessful, good luck in your future endeavours" when I apply for a job, after having gone through 3 fucken interviews, I still get 'is it true you said this about this to that?', lying fokon bitch, and I still get 'your hair is too short' when I try and get those braids I have always wanted, what a bummer!

My life isn't at all rose petals on a Queen’s bed, but it's taken its destined path I think. Not at all there yet but my bucket of faith is still full and will be refilled whenever the necessity becomes relevant. I know that where I am today is nowhere close to where I want to be but the drive there is eventful and worthwhile. I will take no shortcuts nor detours, will run this fated race without fail.

Celebrate life

Forgive when you still can
Seek redemption while there still is a chance
Cry when it still hurts
Let wounds heal before they become scars
Speak out if it doesn't sit well with you
Kiss it when it still makes you happy
Smile when it still brings you joy
Hold on tight when it is  still worth keeping near
Leave before you are held captive
Speak the truth when lies blow your cover
Let go, God's will always prevail
Cover your heart up whenever you still have control
Dance when you still can hear the song
Forgive yourself
Move on when the chapter ends, stop trying to write tales on closed books
Ask for second chances while they are still on offer
Open your mind wider than your eyes
Listen more than you utter
Keep your pride while remaining humble
Respect mankind
Intercede when you seek supernatural spiritual interventions and liberation
Pray in health, wealth and sickness
Repent when you have erred
Be thankful for today
Worship always
If you can't do it for God, do it for yourself, never do it for anyone who is neither God nor yourself
Celebrate the life you were called for
Life is borrowed
Immortality is not for the humans
Take no short cuts
Allow no detours
Learn more than you regret if you must regret
It's okay if they hurt you, who else are they suppose to hurt?
What's so special about you that you think you should have been excused from pain?
How are you supposed to lift the broken hearted if you never wore a heart that once broke?
How are you supposed to speak life to the lifeless if you never were lifeless?
How are you supposed to hold dear anything if you never lost anything?
How are you supposed to laugh if you have never wept?
How are you expected to appreciate God if you never felt alone and abandoned?
How are you supposed to speak life if death never touched you?
How dare you think this burden is too much for you, no one else has it easy, it is for this reason that we have closed doors.
How dare you think you are better than Jesus, even he the heir of Heaven, the creator of Heaven and earth was wounded...wounded that you might find comfort in suffering
So many times we want to be victims of life than be heirs of the kingdom as biblically promised
Wipe that look of despair you have on that beautiful face and live life
Tomorrow will birth a new sun and moon
Life is precious
It is borrowed
Celebrate it

Love struck

You told me you had your ties

Being the other woman was better than being nothing at all

Who was I to want anything more?

Made me believe having you was a privilege so I worshipped the grounds you leisurely walked on

Limited my access, always had reasons that made sense, they had to make sense

Called me to my place a million times, like a child I obeyed

I didn't care as long as we had our time

5 minutes was better than no time at all

I was insatiable, made me believe I was selfish to ever seek more than was on offer

So I remained within the boundaries without question

Who was I to question the rules you cautiously laid for me

Wasn’t gonna dare risk the little we had for the more I now wanted

At least I still had you

You were gonna leave her for me, you promised

We celebrated as I let you enter your way into my soul

Your battles with her were my entrance into your world undisturbed and unrestricted

A million days down the line

Your rules are the same

Promises still pending

Your ties now stronger

And still I remain, the other woman

© S Phohleli 2012-04-26

Let me undress you

Let me undress you

So as to unearth the truth to the lies you tell

Let me undress you

So as to clothe the body you always bare

Cover up

Let me undress you

So as to remove the cloak of doubt you always have on

Let me undress you

So as to find the reality behind the facade you wear effortlessly

Let me undress you

So as to find the child behind that face so serious, smile is a mystery

Let me undress you

So as to take you to the peak of your life as you live life abundantly, unrestricted and for yourself

Let me undress you

So as to unbutton the anger you have covering up your joy

Let me undress you

So as to liberate the pain you have stored up in your soul

Let me undress you

So as to kiss goodbye the doubtful heart you possess

Let me undress you

So as to unchain you from all that hinders the sunshine of tomorrow

Let me undress you

So as to let you let your voice sing praises to the promises soon to be fulfilled

© S Phohleli 2012-04-26

Secrete my heart

Deeper and deeper my claws go in her heart

Making me most susceptible to the pain she might cause me

She says she will never hurt me

Her human nature makes it inevitable that she will disappoint me

Yet deeper and deeper my heart finds comfort in her soul

She says she will never leave me

Her human nature makes it unavoidable that she too will find someone worthy of her love than me

She says I am her one and only

Her human nature makes it inevitable that she will find comfort in the arms of the one living in the skin that is not of me

Deeper and deeper I fall for her

Fate has it she will one day be the reason I cry at night

Rumour has it she will be unfaithful

Reality has it I will forgive all her misdemeanours

Sadness has it I will love her still unrestricted

Truth has it I will crumble..... in her treacherous arms

#TeamPatient

Can I just knock off already?

Going to the coast tonight and I am uber excited, it's been a while since I made tea for my Mom-in-law to be.

And I cannot I repeat, I Siza CANNOT wait to wave goodbye to this terrible bird nest on my head....

Oh the transition to my Afro hasn't been easy but I shall hold on and reap the fruits of beauty in the summer.

“It was a summer time when we fell in love, it was a summer time” - Beyonce go...go...go...go...go

Hello Friday...One more sleep and we will be cuddling, yep I like my sleep longer

Mother Africa

Salutations, Ululations
God must have been African
Skin so dark, voice so calm
Woman you are a lady
Hands so soft, my home in you
peace embodiment
Snapping, harmony
God must have been poetic
Heart beat, my beat
You must have been the inspiration from which my life is rooted
That beat, drum beat
God must have been a songstress
Creativity, sensitivity
God must have been a lady
Perfectionist, destiny
God must have been an artist
Intelligence, magnificent
God must have birthed Eisten
Tenderness, hospitality
God must been have a mother
Body wounded, pride bruised, prayer warrior
A fighter you are
Faithful believer, made me a believer
God lives in you
Style so simple, smile so flawless
How I love your dimple
Sensuality, sexuality
God is ability
Your body, such purity
God is a saint
Your body, so delicious
Such delicacy
Heart so big, curves so wide
Give me authority
Eyes so beautiful, visions of you I see
My mystery
Woman of mystery, let's elope
Be my compass
Kisses so rare, lips so fine
You're my privilege
Touches so pure, my compeller
Such addiction
Bosom so big, pride so little
You're my aspiration
Ego so sexy, arrogance no entry
Respectful you are
Physicality, temptations
Girl you tempt me
Positivity, agility
Lady of the future
Pain you endured, tears you've cried, humility you still bear
Mother Mary reincarnated
Soul bearing scars, patient you remain
Made me a worshiper
Your kind so rare, you are a keeper
My twilight
Beauty epitome
Heavenly connections
Earthly vibrations
Angels wearing colour
Colours of redemption
Fabrics of hope
Threads of salvation
Patches of restoration
God's beauty revealed
Salutations to Africanism

© S Phohleli 2012-04-25

MyHand

The hand that destroys and builds

The hand holding pains of yesterday and joys of tomorrow

Hope

This picture spoke to my soul

A place i only tap into when I want to angage in spiritual conversations with my creator

The look on this boy’s face reminded me why I believe in God the way that I do

I believing in him in ways that are still foreign to me

in ways that make me want to sing Hosanna when his name echoes in my mind

This boy made me see life and God in a whole new light

that sometimes waiting for the rain is all the act of faith we can do

that the possibility that it will rain is what connects us to our creator

that sometimes we look up to the heaven’s to be fed, to be fed in faith, redemption, forgiveness, revival, restoration and peace, and that the wait for the rain is God’s way of filling up our buckets of faith

Trialled amities

There comes a point in life where even friendships are tested
A point where loyalties are tested
A point where the setting correct of priorities is obligatory
Have found myself in the mud of both these life vital faculties
Found myself having the decide who better buttered my bread
Found myself where my integrity is tested
Found myself being questioned if at all I have a backbone
Found myself being questioned by the one whom I prioritized, asking me am I for real? Asking me if just like everyone my intentions are to hurt, destroy and leave no stones agonizing unturned.
Have become the mother of their misery indirectly I was told

© S Phohleli 2012-04-24

Lost believer

 I think I have lost you

to a point of no return

a point where no even my shedding of tears can bring you back

You have turned deaf to my cries

Show no interest to my conversations

Where did I go wrong?

What can I do to make you believe in me once more?

What can I say to have you stop and listen when I talk?

I know the world has scarred you

I promised to never hurt you but you don't believe

At what point did my words become worthless to you?

Have we lost us?

Do I keep trying to re-incarnate us?

Anything I can do to redeem myself?

Anything I can say to lead us to salvation?

Anything song I can sing to lead you to my arms?

Any poems I can recite to win your faith again?

Any words I can create to make you listen?

For whose sin am I paying the price?

I think I have paid it in full