Break Free

You fell in love with your pain that you can't tell the difference between agony and affection

That you can't turn off the voices of doubt in your head, you carry them in the space that should carry my heart with the same hands that should pat me to serenity

You have made music from every echo of misfortune that all your limbs fluently bend to the tunes of calamity

You have become so trapped in your tales of failure that you despise the reality of how you have won my heart

Have become so accustomed to defeat that you spit venom at the idea of victory and flee from the sounds of happiness

You have confined yourself in the yesterday's fall

and have become sightless to the love I spatter you with every Sunday morning

 

How to love a woman

“You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect - you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there.


Bob Marley

The sun came looking for you
Yet again you were nowhere to be found

Could it be that you were under someone else's sheets
 Again?

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It was a sad day

that day

when she realised

there was

something better

than the love

we effortlessly shared

That painful day

when she threw

the portraits of our love

out the window

from the 7th floor

that best kept

the scent of her new love

she thought out loud

Oblivious to the sounds

that escaped from her lips

It was a cloudy day

that promised rain drops of my tears

enough to feed the soil

to destruction

that I realised

that perhaps

it was okay

to not fight at all

for the milk that already

adorned the tiles

of our house

the minute she uttered

"please don't wait up for me"

I don't want the sunshine

if it doesn't shine in your eyes

I don't want warmth

if it's not in your arms

I won't worship the moon

if it won't lead you home

how I envy the winds that bear the traces of your scent

I bless the soil that taps to the tunes of your footsteps

Blessed are those who bask in the sounds of your voice

as you partake in conversations

that should have been with me

I still remember those moments

when we laid awake at night,

our forms flawlessly adorning the lawn,

when we counted the stars in the sky

and you said the brightest one was mine

 you kissed me a little

we ended up making love

our bodies in sync with our leaping hearts

and the neighbours almost saw us

those moments haunt me

to the edge

of destruction

as I mourn

the absence

of your affection

My Kinda Lover

She sang lullaby to my blues

and

Popped the worries outta my mind

The thought of you
Makes me cringe
With excitement
As I wander
On the lanes of memory
Reminiscing on how we became
That crazy day
Still makes me laugh
That crazy day
That began you and me
Against all odds
No support from the community
We became
On that faithful day
That marks anniversary
to our strange kinda affair

I too get scared

When the veil of poetic words is removed
All that's left of me is a girl who fears the world as much as you do
Just a girl who wishes you never leave
A kasi girl whose English doesn't always flow,
that girl who sometimes loses her cool and speaks with that rural accent
Who sometimes forgets a word you might deem simple in an interview
A mere girl who has bruised knees that bear witness to her incessant pleas to the heavens to keep you out of harms' way
When all the words flee away from me and all that's left are sounds honouring silence,

all I am just a girl who prays that God conjures within you a soul that will love me amidst all my errs

Pain

Pushed my face against the wall with your untold truth
Always inspiring me to self destruction with your less than usual attention
Interrogating me with oppressive sounds of silence thinking I was oblivious to your sins
Never have you thought the time will come when you will be the one on the other side of the line, when pain will be only thing on the voicemail

© S Phohleli 2012/08/29

The Good Wife

Subtitle:  the 80/20 affections

She stands messed up in my kitchen
Hair wet from all the sweating of her labour
Her bosom hanging for she has no time for the world's sexy woman title
Frets about the next meal
Chicken or beef? she always texts me around 5pm of every week day
Wrinkles bear witness to all her worries
Contemplating on how to share her time between dinner and her offspring's homework
No crease has ever set foot on my garments nor have I ever kissed her goodbye with no lunch on my hand
Umamasekhaya I've named her

Oh my Sunday afternoon delight
How professionally she lays on her bed
Dishes adorning her sink like the makeup on her face
Artistically she parts her lips in sensual conversations
Her legs managed to flee away from her satin covers
Butterflies roaming her room like bees owing to her expensive perfume
My summer time in the midst of winter
I honour her flawless beauty with kisses meant for my wife
I salute her skin with pleasure fated for her who said "I do" at the watch of many
But just before the street lights go on
I embrace her goodbye
Envisioning the bubble bath I know my wife has prepared for me
Umamasekhaya opens the door and embraces me as I walk in
As I break out in gags about the tales of my day
She tirelessly listens
Aware of my all my sexual transgressions
Revealed by the red lipstick on the collars of all my weekend shirts

© S Phohleli 2012/08/29

Virtue

One by one I counted

the coins of my misery

until I realised just how bizarre

it was for someone of your virtue

to still hold me at the crown of their head

like a crown

Love

We stood face to face
under the trance of our breaths
but we were still unable to draw the picture of love with our thoughts

Resentment

Back and forth we go
Trying to defy the truth that now stand before us
The truth that not even the remains of our affections can fend away the resentment that crowds us

Ndlovukazi

You have your head buried in the sand
You have your words of change unreleased
Fearing no one might listen
Trampling on stones of doubt
Emotions of uncertainty
Unaware that you were fated for greatness
You stumble upon victory yet have no power to hold on
For you feel unworthy of such
Unaware that greatness resides in you
Ndlovukazi of change
The pioneer of victory

It's magical how your name carries both I and pieces of you so effortlessly
it’s almost as if nature wanted to keep the traces of our communion alight

Phoebie
Your name sprints to my mind
And I feel nostalgic kinda emotions
As I reminisce back to the times
I must have been 16
When television
Allowed us the time
To dine with Phoebie
In a program
Titled 'Charmed'
That always completed my lazy Sunday afternoon

It is only when I smelt the scent of death

that painful delight

when the angel of life was halfway out the door

that I embraced the gift of life

tirelessly flowing within me

Laying on the bed of the soil

Listening to the sounds of the ocean

that was once your affection

tanned with regrets

as I replay the moments that led

to the bitterness that now choke me

The sun wept a million drops of rain
when we almost became yesterday
the moon stormed out of the night
when thunder became louder than words