I too get scared

When the veil of poetic words is removed
All that's left of me is a girl who fears the world as much as you do
Just a girl who wishes you never leave
A kasi girl whose English doesn't always flow,
that girl who sometimes loses her cool and speaks with that rural accent
Who sometimes forgets a word you might deem simple in an interview
A mere girl who has bruised knees that bear witness to her incessant pleas to the heavens to keep you out of harms' way
When all the words flee away from me and all that's left are sounds honouring silence,

all I am just a girl who prays that God conjures within you a soul that will love me amidst all my errs



Pushed my face against the wall with your untold truth
Always inspiring me to self destruction with your less than usual attention
Interrogating me with oppressive sounds of silence thinking I was oblivious to your sins
Never have you thought the time will come when you will be the one on the other side of the line, when pain will be only thing on the voicemail

© S Phohleli 2012/08/29

The Good Wife

Subtitle:  the 80/20 affections

She stands messed up in my kitchen
Hair wet from all the sweating of her labour
Her bosom hanging for she has no time for the world's sexy woman title
Frets about the next meal
Chicken or beef? she always texts me around 5pm of every week day
Wrinkles bear witness to all her worries
Contemplating on how to share her time between dinner and her offspring's homework
No crease has ever set foot on my garments nor have I ever kissed her goodbye with no lunch on my hand
Umamasekhaya I've named her

Oh my Sunday afternoon delight
How professionally she lays on her bed
Dishes adorning her sink like the makeup on her face
Artistically she parts her lips in sensual conversations
Her legs managed to flee away from her satin covers
Butterflies roaming her room like bees owing to her expensive perfume
My summer time in the midst of winter
I honour her flawless beauty with kisses meant for my wife
I salute her skin with pleasure fated for her who said "I do" at the watch of many
But just before the street lights go on
I embrace her goodbye
Envisioning the bubble bath I know my wife has prepared for me
Umamasekhaya opens the door and embraces me as I walk in
As I break out in gags about the tales of my day
She tirelessly listens
Aware of my all my sexual transgressions
Revealed by the red lipstick on the collars of all my weekend shirts

© S Phohleli 2012/08/29



One by one I counted
the coins of my misery
until I realised just how bizarre
it was for someone of your virtue
to still hold me at the crown of their head
like a crown


We stood face to face
under the trance of our breaths
but we were still unable to draw the picture of love with our thoughts


Back and forth we go
Trying to defy the truth that now stand before us
The truth that not even the remains of our affections can fend away the resentment that crowds us


You have your head buried in the sand
You have your words of change unreleased
Fearing no one might listen
Trampling on stones of doubt
Emotions of uncertainty
Unaware that you were fated for greatness
You stumble upon victory yet have no power to hold on
For you feel unworthy of such
Unaware that greatness resides in you
Ndlovukazi of change
The pioneer of victory

It's magical how your name carries both I and pieces of you so effortlessly
it’s almost as if nature wanted to keep the traces of our communion alight

Your name sprints to my mind
And I feel nostalgic kinda emotions
As I reminisce back to the times
I must have been 16
When television
Allowed us the time
To dine with Phoebie
In a program
Titled 'Charmed'
That always completed my lazy Sunday afternoon

It is only when I smelt the scent of death
that painful delight
when the angel of life was halfway out the door
that I embraced the gift of life
tirelessly flowing within me
Laying on the bed of the soil

Listening to the sounds of the ocean

that was once your affection

tanned with regrets

as I replay the moments that led

to the bitterness that now choke me

The sun wept a million drops of rain
when we almost became yesterday
the moon stormed out of the night
when thunder became louder than words


Meet Me


 "Both men and women are extremely vulnerable to the force of sex, because, during sex, pleasure and fear are present in equal measure.

Because anyone who comes into contact with sex knows that they are dealing with something which only happens in all its intensity when they lose control. When we are in bed with someone, we are giving permission to that person to commune not only with our body but also with our whole being.

The pure forces of life are in communication with each other, independent of us, and then we cannot hide who we are.

It doesn't matter what image we have of ourselves. It doesn't matter what disguises we put on, the smart answers or honorable excuses we give. During sex, it's very difficult to deceive the other person, because that is when each person shows who they really are"

Author: Paulo Coehlo

We stand undefined,
without labels,
bearing no tags,
knowing no word is worthy enough
to define what we've become
I would wrestle the sun if that was to lead me nearer to you


The scent of your skin shows me home - my sensual compass

You and me,

caught in a trance of affection

that nothing else matters


you and me...

We locked lips and the heavens stood still in honour of our fated union

We exchanged bodily fluids, the greatest trade of a life time

She and I, me and her,

we speak in tongues,

curling up into each others' world

seeking treasure,

we have become hunters.

Hunting emotions that lay beyond our souls

as we make sweet melodies with our bodies...


I bless the winds that carry you home
blessed is that garment that lays tight on your skin


"Greatness is not for some of us, it is for ALL of us, it is in ALL of us"
          - Sizakele Phohleli


We tossed and turned
in conversations
indulged in the sharing of thoughts
that we didn't see the space between the dawn and twilight


My Facebook page


A branch of my blogs

Kindly LIKE my Facebook page (GayKindaLove) to see more of my work and to add your own poetry whenever you feel like it. It is for the benefit of all of us
Thank you

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Thank you

poem by Nizar Qabbani (Syrian poet, 1923 – 1998)

فكرت أمس بحبي لك
تذكرت فجأة
قطرات العسل على شفتيك
فلحست السكر عن جدران ذاكرتي

Yesterday I thought of my love for you
I remembered suddenly
drops of honey on your lips
I licked the sugar off the walls of my memory

My We(a)k days

Just like Wednesday
You stood amid my misery
Pending your support
Half in half out
Almost here but there
You carried with you worries of Monday
Wondering why Sunday didn't save you
Unlike Thursday you held no promise of the Friday night jabbering
Instead you around your waist wore words of destruction
Carrying your bosom was the breastplate of mockery
The full armour of ridicule laid on the tip of your lips
You dragged your feet of faith like Tuesday
Adorning your vocabulary was rhymes of disbelief
Tales of blur
That's why Saturday never came


The Intolerant homosexuals

We spent the 16th of June at the door of the ANC house demanding our voices to be heard. We sang aloud tunes seeking liberation from all the crimes of hate, we stood there pregnant with optimism hopeful that our pleas be heard and attended to. We carried the LGBTI flag as high as the stars dancing up and down in unison like the youth of '76 wailing to the gods of the government to lend us an ear. Aware that change does not happen overnight, we at least wanted someone of great influence to deem us worthy of their 10 second attention. We were the Hector Pietersen's of the millennium though the content of the battle differed; it was a battle as worthy of recognition.

But for what?

What is change if we the infamous LGBTI can't even spell the word with the way we live our lives? We seek the approval of a man whose world has been judged perfect by the world yet we are unable to approve of the whole LGBTI community. We speak acceptance yet we have tons of people within us we would be better off not knowing, we speak of unity yet we are as broken up as life and death. If you are gay, hooray, everyone is happy to be your friend, the cool friend who is 9 out of 10 chances broke, you are lesbian, how perfect, and we are even bold enough to say we wouldn't mind mothering kids who actually turned out to be lesbians.

And then cometh the bisexual, the confused, the greedy, we tell them to voetsek, get gone, to pick and court and stay there. We call them selfish because they prefer the best of both worlds; they are turned on by a dick as much as by pussy. Could it be that some of us envy their liberty to be? Could it be that some of us spend the day as one and then at night the other, are we at night victims or rather mistresses to the Adams of this world? The very Adam we would mind clothing with our spit if he dared say anything smart during the day, are we perhaps angry that they live at night what they can’t live at noon?

And then comes the rest, the transgender, the whatever who cares, who are they and why are they here we ask? Our miseducation will always determine how we perceive the world, whatever is easy to understand we are easy to love but whatever brings challenge to our mind allergic to change, we retaliate and resort to emotions such as hate.

How do we find the favour of men if we can’t favour our own?

As we let our light shine we unconciously give other people the permission to do the same” - Marianne Williamson. A Return to Love

You wrapped your legs around my body like a cloak
Sang my name like it were your favourite hymn
Wore love bites around your neck like they were your prized scarf
Left traces of your presence on my back on the name of scratches
Stiff bodies borne witness to the deeds of yester night
Panties on the floor testified to our carelessness
We swore we'd never tell but the voice notes you left on my lips told a different tale


You shared twilight
and sunlight with me
tied me down with knowledgeable conversations
as the sun peaked into noon
filled up my tummy
as we nibbled on how to face the world
you and I against the world
as we battled over the truth of our reality
hand in hand we strolled down the park of memories
shedding a tear or two as we spoke of tales that almost ended us
and then bursting into laughter like maniacs
coming to terms with what was
feasting on the delights of what now is
you naughty child
had me speaking in tongues
as you preached the word through sensual connections
had me pulling your hair
calling Abba father
as if you were my saviour
had me mumbling
words nonsensical
without meaning
as if I was possessed
you were the demon in me
no exorcist needed to heal me
you lioness
whispered careless nothings into my ears
had my toes curl up into my feet
unable to defy pleasure
my hands grabbing your flesh
head sunk into the ocean of your bosom
as we floated to a space that kept only you and I
when you sang poetry on every limb of my soul

you shared a smile hiding the tears
glided into my heart to clean up the mess
danced till you broke all your limbs
uttered poetry though I was uninspired
held me though you too wanted to be held
walked on my flesh to save my soul
kissed my lips though they were cracked
nourished my bruised knees with your tender ointment
just to make me see the truth inside your eyes

I saw you smile at the sun
secret conversations with the stars
stolen winks at the wind
thinking I wasn't watching
you let the moon lie on your bosom
the remains of the scent of her affections still laid on the garments of your conscience
you kissed the soil while holding my hands
felt you slip away to marry the air
from there on I knew you had found a new companion

You drew my face in black and white
took back all your dreams
fed me all your nightmares
you hid summer in your back pocket
as you made my bed with the tales of winter
closed my windows so I can breathe in autumn
taking away all that wore the smell of spring
and you switched off the teapot of hope on your way to the door

Your faith in us
decayed like an old tooth
the cavities of your dissatisfaction
withered faster than the roses
flew away like a rebellious kite
that never abode by the art of its creator
she is holding me by the tips of her fingers
reminiscing about how yesterday made her sob
dragging me to pay for the sins I never committed
comparing me with what no longer is
forgetting that I now am
interrogating my every promise
mesmerising me with painful words intended to spear the heart apart
she then turns around and tells me I have changed
unaware that the mirror is facing her direction

She wore her insecurities around her neck
That torn apart bracelet of fear
Adorning her wrist scarred by the sun that never came
Ointment of unfaithfulness dripped from her hair
To the soles of her feet
As if she was being worshiped by pain
Not how I want to remember the biblical Aaron
But she stood there
The fallen angel
As beautiful as the moonlight
There she stood
Her heart on her sleeve
The heart that still ached from yesterday
Pus from her wounds still falling like she were a fountain of defeat
Atop the pyramid of disbelief
She stood
Asking me to believe
In what she stopped believing in
On her behalf

You are the rhythm with which I speak, the melody I sing and the alphabets of my thoughts

|Nandipha 'Ndi' Bheqezi|

Inspired by KingNovaMiu

She stood at the altar of my education
Preaching words of her past that sounded like my past
Such confidence she drove me to my knees
Had me wailing to my creator asking him to save her
Such arrogance as she spew out out the truth of my reality
Laying thick on me with great disrespect the news of my fall
Singing me to destruction with her truth
On the altar of my rebirth
She stood humming tunes of my failure
Exposing the heart that I wore on my sleeve when success met failure
She sang me to sleep with words of her past that sounded like my very past
She rained on me thoughts of yesterday when I was the other her
Bringing me to tears as I retraced my steps to yesteryear
That lonesome year that mothered the nightmares that still haunt me at night
She, the poetry woman spoke of my love for the jazz man camouflaged in the skin of a woman who paid no mind to the jazz
She spoke of my transgressions like they were forgiven
Cried in her words as she herself was the other her
Sang truth to my misery
Her words stole my heart
I wanted to be her saviour
Yearned to put to slumber all her pain
hoping to recreate new memories with my words meant to mend her
I longed to be her Aladdin
For she would be my Jasmine


A poetry-inspired love affair

We sat in turmoil
reminiscing of where we have been
Smiling at the steps we took
dancing to the sounds of the night
Now we lay
soaking in questions that never will be blessed with answers
Eating from the crusts of our wounds
Drinking a sip from our tears
Peeling off the skin of what once was
Glued to the skies hoping that ray of light would wink our way
Told me get gone a million times
Never was believing of my love
Played a plaintiff on the stand of your heart
Hoping you'd favour my story
over the tales of blur told by your mind
That mind harbouring neglect
made you believe I'd reject
the memories we have planted in each other's souls
My mind sprints back to yesterday
at the mention of your name
remembering that arched back
as you moved poetry to my flesh
Wordless you have been
Recklessly we somehow believed
that our season is yet to come
for us to bask
in the lesson of yesterday
in the memory of the future
as we slowly hop to tomorrow
honouring all our trials
certain that hope is coming
to restore all we have lost
due to the cruel sun
that shone too bright
and took away the flakes of the snow
that kept the sparks of the fire
going haywire
to the sounds of our affections

I worshipped your every word
Licked every ground that carried your trace
Bathed in every wind that showed you home
Walked head high when you came
Altered my vision so I could afford you a slice
Butterflies turned to pregnancy when you walked my way
Pregnant with all things joyous whenever you called
Unaware that you were the Satan's muse
Unknowing that you wore the heart of a devil
Oblivious that you worshipped the gods of flesh


You tore apart the garments of my heart
Unclothed me of my anger
Ran your fingers across the frills of my pain
Ripping off whatever was undeserving of me
You untied my hair
so it can dance with the winds
Threw outside my bed
so I can lay next to the moon
You tore apart the buttons of my shirt
Serenaded me with rhymes of hope
so I can pleasure in the flesh of life

We are the prized possessions of our creator, spitting images of his face, designed for his glory, made, moulded and crafted for man's pleasure and admiration yet when we are separated from our flesh; we go knocking back to him who made our lives possible


We tried to weather the storms

Sugar coated every word

Carefully conveyed every emotion

Plagued by lingering insecurities that penetrated through silence

Sang softly tunes of anger

Too careful not to err

In hope that time will mend us

In the mid night hour

We sat awake

Haunted by heavy breaths

Slowly acknowledging the reality of our fall

Getting lost in sexual debates

In hope that our every hungry flesh would save us

From the truth that stood before us

In vain we held back salty swells of tears

Fearfully we sobbed at the smell of our death

For we knew that not even fate could heal us

My yet another attempt at story writing

We sat outside my grandmother’s house, in the heart of Soweto, the notorious location called Zola. We needed air as the tension was deadly, and we felt out of breath, you tried to play it cool, I was suffocating, suffocating in words that kept beating the doors of my chest crying freedom. Words had to be uttered though emotions had already conveyed what no longer was, the tension had already spoke farewell to the our amalgamation, the eyes had already mourned the loss of our affair but we needed validation, we needed to hear tales from the sounds of words, the tones of every syllable was necessary so we could be sure of what was already spoken by our silent hearts. I sat on the grass and you watched me like a eagle as you sat atop the fence made of bricks, studying my every move, uncovering the codes of my every note of silence. My eyes wandering the busy main road trying all I could to avoid any eye contact and nerve-wrecked you asked, "What's on your mind? Why have you summoned me here?" No longer could I play hide and seek with my emotions, you seemed weary of all the excuses we both have told to each other, too tired of keeping record of the lies we both have told to avoid the moment that sure would speak reality. I stuttered, murmured until stalking silence had to come to an end, already irritated you threatened to leave so I had to speak of my reasons for inviting you over, to put to sleep the worries you might have had and most significantly to free myself of what ifs. Carefully I conveyed what was in my heart, shuddered through every emotion, trying to be articulate in all I say and unto you I laid thick words of selfishness, words of greed knowing you already were spoken for, unto you I laid emotions meant to drive even the pastor to the grave, aware of the potential destruction of my words I already had prepared myself for a life in your absence, I had already asked of my angels to stand nearby to catch my fall. Freedom had to be earned and having harboured so many emotions in fear of destroying you wore the price tag of my solitude. I no longer could afford telling all the lies so I do not pitch up to our Saturday market strolls, I had grown weary of calling you what you no longer were in my heart and I no longer could explain your absence to the ones who knew your impact in my life. Selfishly I planned my exit strategy affording you no reason, snapping at your every question and stalking your every lover. We were made of the same flesh, wore the same fabrics of skin, so what could you have seen in them that I didn't posses, I arrogantly always questioned every shadow of you, forcing conversation with every portrait of you, hoping you'd answer and save me from my insanity while driving me to insanity as portraits were never meant to speak. I calculated the risk of losing you, made myself believe that perhaps we were called for a different era. Without emotion I shared with you the tales told by my heart when it stalks every memory of you, I told unto you the euphoric state my soul dwells in when I hear the tone of your voice, without emotion I shared with you just how carelessly I have fallen for you and how comfortably you have established yourself in my soul. I shared with you just how much I embrace the scent you left on my skin after your carefree hugs, how I have found myself calling your name when in sexual celebrations with other beings and how lonely I feel when I am reminded that you are already spoken for. Having cleaned out my closet, vacuumed every word, every emotion so I do not offend you I waited for you to say something and all you did was breathe in relief as if my freedom brought liberty to your own soul. Without a word you reciprocated all my emotions.

Loneliness can mend a heart
Drive you back to the trap of the enemy
Them who broke your heart beyond salvation now seem heroic

I cannot give you the world or offer you all the stars to choose your favourite, I may not be god enough to make the sun shine your kind of bright, or make the moon visit you at noon, I can't make the rain fall on you or make the time stop so you can achieve all your dreams or even make all the dark skinned voluptuous African women stop and stare in amazement or have them kneel seeking salvation when you pass by but I can love you just as perfect

I don't think I have loved anyone as carelessly, selflessly and selfishly as I love you, I almost worshiped you at some point

walks around
Like she owns the world
for she own the world
Snaps her fingers
like she has the world wrapped around her fingers
for she has the world wrapped around in her pinkie
moves her curves
Walks her legs
the world stops, stares and worships
she is beauty
Beauty epitome
Opens her mouth
such music are her words
She is melodies
blinks her eyes
such dominion
She is royalty
Remains brighter than the sun
Calmer than the moon
Hangs higher than the stars
she is not of this world
the angel that got away

That painful moment when you don't even have words strong enough to fight your battle. That point where words can't redeem what's come to be. That faithful moment when faith in God is all the fighting we can do

Maybe we are not of the same time and we were not called for the same race but helplessly we fell in love and with great triumph tried to change the hands of destiny and I think the heavens’ are pleased.
I shared with you the riches of my heart, the wealth of my mind I laid down for you to feast and blossom from. Like the savour I laid down my life, walked in harms’ way in order to win your soul
Submerged in all that's dark yet she unknowingly sheds the brightest of lights by her words clothed in tones of the nightfall. Inadvertently she smiles through her facade oblivious that it is broken

But I am hoping that even when things don’t work out for me, they work out for you


Sometimes it feels like a dead end
As if I've reached a Cul de sac
like I will never rise
My head standing atop of the pyramid of failure
Happiness has u-turned to sorrow
Emotions detoured to loneliness
Even the sun has left my side
The sunlight left me for the storm
The stars congregating against me
The moon doesn't return my calls
All my cries reaching a voice mail
The son of man affording me none of his ears
Clouds of thunder creeping up on my every breath
Stalking silence is all that defines me
The winds swaying me away to lands of sobbing ever after


The roller-coaster kinda affection

Cups overflowing with deceit

Plates of regrets adorning the dinner table

Serviettes stained with no remorse

Spoons of insults making way for the ears

Forks and knives playing defence

defending the reality that dwells in the absence of us

Curtains of confessions missing from the windows

yet it's too dark to see through

the truth that never found way outta the lips

the very lips that buffeted on the walls of our sacred being

Tears washing away our holy communion


I stand before you, a girl with no world to offer, asking you to remember me once more. I stand before you, my head buried in sin beseeching you to love me once more. Love me like yesterday, hold me like you'd hold the moon, caress me like you'd caress the scars of the sun, bask on my love like you would the rays of the sun, set on me like the sun sets on the horizon, tap to my caress like I was your favourite ballad, run to me like you'd run to the sounds of the music, seek refuge in me like I was your Goliath, humble me like I was your biblical saint. Hold on to me, to us to what we've become like I was your only sunshine, like I was best friend to the beat of your heart, like I was the sole of your feet, brush me tenderly like I was your prized painting, your prized silverware, hold on to me like that prized garment laying boldly on your bosom carrying you selflessly, hold me like I was your last encounter. I stand before you stained with shame, seeking redemption, seeking salvation in your arms, seeking my 5th second chance, imploring that you favour me once more.