I think the best feeling in the life of any lesbian is to live a life out of the “closet”, and I epitomize this feeling. One of the reasons I “came out” at home was because I never wanted to know how it felt like being “in”. I didn’t wanna make up stories to my Mom, I didn’t want to refer to my girlfriend as “my friend”, it would not have been fair to her since her family (all of them) knew me as her girlfriend, so her mom still introduces me to her friend as Mbali’s friend but we all know what she is really saying, we always just smile it off. I think I was selfish in my “coming out” though I was never really “in”, I sort of cared less what anyone thought really, me and Mom fought all the time so really my sexuality wasn’t gonna magically make us best friends, instead it would make it worse. I did want her to approve but her disapproval wasn’t really gonna stop me from being with a girl, I concluded she would have to deal with it, I was gonna move out of home as soon as a graduate so I also wasn’t gonna deal with her disapproval on a daily basis. Strangely coming out did mend our broken relationship; she adores Mbali (I sometimes get jealous LOL) and tells me that if I ever break up with her, her suspicions that I am stupid would be confirmed. The fact that she’s known just one woman in my life for 5 years has made her trust that this isn’t confusion or a phase. Being an “After 9r” (straight in the day, lesbian at night) was NEVER an option, wasn’t gonna limit the way I live my life because some people were against it, I believed in the word “Freedom” more than anything else. I really wasn’t gonna live my life on lies, I wasn’t gonna live “in the closet” I’m sure it gets uncontrollably hot in there.