Was telling Nomonde about my next note project,
Public Displays of Affection of gays in the world where Heterosexuals seem to
have dominance. I wanted to hear how she views this issue which I believe has
mothered most of the hate crimes all around the world. She then turned around
and asked what I thought of this if it be a situation and I found myself
stuttering and almost unsure of my answer which then led me to giving her a
vague answer. I said, "Maybe", I'm both in and out... Luke warm
basically. Luke warm people are cowards and I take that title without fear of
judgment because the minute I say "Maybe" I automatically am judged
therefore fearing the inevitable is a waste of emotions. I wasn't about to
commit myself to an answer that I wouldn't live by if I one day was obligated
to BUT silently my answer was "No I do not condone The Gay Kinda PDAs,
even though I sometimes practice them", It is okay to call myself a
hypocrite than to hear it from anyone else especially her, even though I could
tell she already concluded I was a hypocrite but I wasn't ready for
confirmations.
I without a doubt enjoy having my hands all over
my girl's body, maybe spanking her ass once in a while when walking into a
restaurant just to show them that "She's with me", maybe I do spank
her ass but I do it with caution just to slightly get my point across. I am
very mindful of what I do in public, sometimes almost impossible, but I never
want to be a victim of hate if I can avoid it. Not at all saying that those who
were found behaving as such earned their beatings but I will not behave in any
way that would expose me to such hatred if I can help it. Truth is I am scared,
scared of what might happen to me if I was publicly pushing the "I am
Lesbian" swag and until I am ready to face the consequences of this
misunderstood lifestyle, I will remain as I am, Luke warm (short for "No I
don't condone them") for anyone who asks and "anti Gay Kinda
PDAs" to myself.
I don't at all believe there are manners that
only lesbian's need to abide by, frankly I don't believe in a whole lot of
things, one thing I am sure of is that a lot of people don't sleep at night
thinking about my sexuality, how it keeps them from slumber still remains
mystery to me. We are now fighting to have the Gay rights not removed in the constitution
with only 6187 out of 1000 000 signatures at the moment, so we have a long way
to go but I believe we will get there. The House of Traditional Leaders want to
scrap "sexual orientation" section from the bill of rights contained
in Chapter 2 of the Constitution of South Africa and The South African
Constitutional Review Committee is currently entertaining this absurd proposal
hence the petition. I have signed the petition, not because I am just lesbian
but because I am human, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a colleague, a
neighbour, and then lesbian. It amazes me how people in power forget all the
other traits and concentrate on just sexuality as if that is the only thing
that defines me which is ludicrous especially for people who also bear the same
traits and to top it all are also educated.
It is only when I signed the petition that I
realised what I was fighting for, I am not fighting to be accepted as a lesbian
but I want to be able to love and appreciate women without fear, and if that
categorises me as lesbian so be it. This proposal will birth deadly
ramifications on the LGBTI world should the signatures not reach 1 000 000, God
forbid and it is quite saddening that the state has overlooked this, as learned
as they behave they are. It’s not as if we are asking to have a holiday
dedicated just to our existence, we just want to be free. Of course we will
still get eyes of disapprovals from the world when we walk past them, and we
aren't expecting to be anyone's favourite overnight but we would like to be
considered human when we speak, and it's not like we are asking for donations
or whatever they might consider is a stretch to their patience nor are we
asking to move in with their sons and daughters or even their wives.
If LGBTI be a country I know for sure Nomonde
wouldn't consider me 100% patriotic but I am getting there, threading on
careful grounds and for now I am okay on the slow lane, and the labels that
come with being slow. I am learning and as blah blah blah as it will sound but learning
is a process. Should time call for me to be abrupt, I will be ready. I am not
saying going to prides, lesbian’s picnics and going to gay clubs is my way of
getting there, but if signing the petition be any measure of patriotism I would
like a crown for it. She called me a victim of patriarchy and that I am one of
the people who enjoy reaping fruits from the seeds they have never planted but
like I said I am getting there. I don't think kissing in public makes me a
heroine, that for me is a call for death or whatever that would eventually lead
me to this lifeless state, I can't get myself in harm’s way just to get my
point across, I don't have the power of Rambo or Chuck Norris yet so I can't
fight anyone who opposes.
I will educate people willing to learn about this
thing as they call it however I will not impose the knowledge on them, in due
time, they will learn or rather accommodate us. I will play my part when and
where necessary, I will be the voice where and when someone is willing to
listen, unlike corporal punishment, I will not force people to listen as it
will bring about frustration and then in turn bring about anger which leads to
hatred as they do not understand. The lessons we teach today may not at all
affect this generation but it can sure better the next generation. Like our
forefathers, they fought to do away with apartheid and as warriors as they were
but they never dined in this table they have successfully set for us, we are
reaping the fruits of their sweat just as the next generation will reap the
fruits of our battle.