Friend, it feels good that I can now call you up and have no reasons to tell
Friend, it is good that we now laugh at the same jokes and hang at the same place
Friend, it feels good to have you call me once in a while just to say ‘Hi’
Friend, since we have established a new relationship, I figured I be honest with you
I am bothered by the fact that you now fall in the umbrella of friends in my life
I sometimes miss how you to me when you were not my friend
We did so many things with our bodies when we were not friends which must now come to an end
This friendly affair we have decided to engage in scares me terribly as I feel like gaining you back in my life is my loss of you
I don’t know what is expected of me nor do I know what I expect of you
How do I now call you by that name that everyone else calls you by?
How do I stop from calling you my queen to calling you by that name which doesn’t begin to explain what you are to me?
How do I now give you that 2 second hug like everybody else, when I used to hold you so tight you’d ask me not to let go?
How do I now look past you when I used to enjoy looking in your eyes as those eyes always had a story to tell?
I used to decipher the languages spoken by your eyes by a kiss, a touch or a journey within you
All of this apparently does not form part of the contact we have now drawn ourselves
How do I not put my hands around your waist when you are standing next to me?
How am I expected to ignore your scent as if it never mattered nor turned me on?
How do I not look at your lips when you are talking, be deaf to what you are saying and wish they could lay on me
How do I not want to steal a kiss when you are leaning too close to me?
We never started out as friends so how come are we expecting of each other to be friends
I understand that this affair means that you talk of your romantic affairs without caution
Am I wrong to wish that you could talk of me like that to yourself and maybe to me as well?
You talk of her as if she were an exciting event in which I should find interest and throw in my worthless cent of opinion
Does she want you irrespective of the pain that you are to bless her with like I do?
Has she met the ‘imperfect you’ like I have?
Is she willing to love your imperfect being like I did, what guarantee do you have that she will stay aboard when your imperfections become captain of the ship?
I understand that I can now talk of my woman and those I wish to one day undress with no worry of hurting your feelings
Am I wrong to expect you to hurt nonetheless?
Am I allowed to touch you all over like you used to let me when we were not friends?
Am I allowed to remark on how firm your butt is and how much I would like to squeeze it?
Am I allowed to comment on your boobs and fit my hands around them like I used to when we were not friends?
Am I allowed to suck you, lick you, caress you and hold you every time you cry in an act to dry the tears on your face like I did before?
What happens to the languages we learnt from each other when we spoke with our eyes?
What happens to the journey’s we took every time we let our bodies fall into each other’s trap?
What happens to the music we sang every time our lips spoke melodies to our souls?
All of this apparently does not form part of the contract we have now drawn ourselves
So why put friendship in to play if we cannot do the things that used to make us happy?
Pursuing this affair will only leave us in the pain worst than what we borne when we were not friends
I think I enjoyed not being friends
The “friend”
© Sizakele Phohleli 26/10/2011