We sat outside my grandmother’s house, in the heart of Soweto, the notorious location called Zola. We needed air as the tension was deadly, and we felt out of breath, you tried to play it cool, I was suffocating, suffocating in words that kept beating the doors of my chest crying freedom. Words had to be uttered though emotions had already conveyed what no longer was, the tension had already spoke farewell to the our amalgamation, the eyes had already mourned the loss of our affair but we needed validation, we needed to hear tales from the sounds of words, the tones of every syllable was necessary so we could be sure of what was already spoken by our silent hearts. I sat on the grass and you watched me like a eagle as you sat atop the fence made of bricks, studying my every move, uncovering the codes of my every note of silence. My eyes wandering the busy main road trying all I could to avoid any eye contact and nerve-wrecked you asked, "What's on your mind? Why have you summoned me here?" No longer could I play hide and seek with my emotions, you seemed weary of all the excuses we both have told to each other, too tired of keeping record of the lies we both have told to avoid the moment that sure would speak reality. I stuttered, murmured until stalking silence had to come to an end, already irritated you threatened to leave so I had to speak of my reasons for inviting you over, to put to sleep the worries you might have had and most significantly to free myself of what ifs. Carefully I conveyed what was in my heart, shuddered through every emotion, trying to be articulate in all I say and unto you I laid thick words of selfishness, words of greed knowing you already were spoken for, unto you I laid emotions meant to drive even the pastor to the grave, aware of the potential destruction of my words I already had prepared myself for a life in your absence, I had already asked of my angels to stand nearby to catch my fall. Freedom had to be earned and having harboured so many emotions in fear of destroying you wore the price tag of my solitude. I no longer could afford telling all the lies so I do not pitch up to our Saturday market strolls, I had grown weary of calling you what you no longer were in my heart and I no longer could explain your absence to the ones who knew your impact in my life. Selfishly I planned my exit strategy affording you no reason, snapping at your every question and stalking your every lover. We were made of the same flesh, wore the same fabrics of skin, so what could you have seen in them that I didn't posses, I arrogantly always questioned every shadow of you, forcing conversation with every portrait of you, hoping you'd answer and save me from my insanity while driving me to insanity as portraits were never meant to speak. I calculated the risk of losing you, made myself believe that perhaps we were called for a different era. Without emotion I shared with you the tales told by my heart when it stalks every memory of you, I told unto you the euphoric state my soul dwells in when I hear the tone of your voice, without emotion I shared with you just how carelessly I have fallen for you and how comfortably you have established yourself in my soul. I shared with you just how much I embrace the scent you left on my skin after your carefree hugs, how I have found myself calling your name when in sexual celebrations with other beings and how lonely I feel when I am reminded that you are already spoken for. Having cleaned out my closet, vacuumed every word, every emotion so I do not offend you I waited for you to say something and all you did was breathe in relief as if my freedom brought liberty to your own soul. Without a word you reciprocated all my emotions.