What stands between me and my birthday is just one night... tonight, a night of remembrance that all that has seen darkness will soon bask in the light. The weekend leading to tomorrow was the worst one, my little star being raped, June 16 will never be the same again, it will always be a wound that will never heal, it will always anniversary pain and betrayal by the universe and even God himself. I never will understand why he let that happen, how he let that monster feast on her like that, beating her, strangling her, her head bald from his violence, I will never understand how he deemed a 12 year old worthy of such anguish. Such a beautiful soul, pure as himself, now speaking tales of what if’s, speaking tales of I should have stayed in a little longer. I can never understand how he God saw that fit to happen. Now we wait, for the results, now we wait to see if her innocence is all he took with him. Sadly I find myself still worshipping the God who permitted this, pleading with him to heal her, free her from whatever disease, hoping that maybe he listens, that maybe he comes through. A few hours before my birthday I spend asking questions that never will be dignified with answers, wearing a shirt of guilt, feeling maybe I could have done something said something, anything at all. Maybe my birth will be her rebirth.