Satisfy you - Puff Daddy feat. R.Kelly

Decided to loosen up a bit and stop being such a bore this weekend and watching TV was one of my resolutions, so I tuned in on trace TV and my all time favourite song was playing "Satisfy you by Puff Daddy feat. R.Kelly" a blast from the past I tell you, purely nostalgic, had me singing out loud like a loser listening to an iPod in a public transport. I had just moved to the city from the Eastern Cape when BOP TV played this song every morning when I got ready for school. I didn't understand what Puff Daddy and R.Kelly were singing about but I gathered it was about a woman who was cheating as shown in the video of course and that was my only understanding but that didn't stop me from singing this song and yes I sang it all wrong as I really couldn't hear what these dudes where saying, except R.Kelly's part of the chorus where he kept saying "He don't have to know, He don't have to know"

 Strangely this song took me back to the time I spent in Eastern Cape, all my years before my teens, the time when I was scared to dream, the possibilities of my dreams coming true then were non-existent. Being part of a crowd that prohibited dreams as it was a waste of time didn't make it any easier. So I dreamt silent dreams, never dared mentioned the pleasures I delighted in at night, no one was supposed to know I saw tomorrow with a hopeful eye, it was tabooed to even mention things that were not of today. I had to be lifeless in order for my existence to be noticed, had to be totally consumed by the crowd to at least part take in conversations, who would dare find me cool if I spoke of the future with excitement? The closest to the future we ever were meant to be was to talk about or plan tomorrow's meal. We had to be enthusiastic about where we would find the next plate, that part was worth dwelling on, and that part alone. No one was expected to delight in anything else but that and who was I to cross the line and opt to dream instead? That was a punishable offence, one that would cost one a meal and I wasn't about to starve to death in the name of dreams. Completely swallowed by the crowd, fully submerged in negativity, I obeyed the commands without opposition. And then I moved to the city... Lights, Robots, Cars, TV, set, go... A whole new world... I was slapped in the face by the world I never knew existed, had to wipe off the sleep and catch a wake up. The rural girl mindset had to depart from me instantly, I had to be City-wise. No rehearsals, No screen shots, no auditions, my city life was put into play without being asked if I was ready and I had to more than adapt, I had to live. The city and everything in it was fast paced and therefore had to adjust my life accordingly and fast. The city was like chalk and cheese to what I grew up with, philosophies completely different, I now had to choose between dreams and pregnancy, while everyone else my age chose to stand by the corner at night with the boys, stupid me (so everyone thought) I chose to dream.

 However, set apart from the crowd as I was, I felt cheated by the universe, while everyone in my hood was going to multi-racial schools, I went to a public school in the heart of the hood and speaking English with no accent sold me out to many. I wasn't cool enough so I buried myself in my books and told tales of a bright future to myself and for myself so I could at least believe in something. I wasn't fair that Mom wasn't able to take me to such schools, so unfair. But as robbed as I felt, this lack made me more driven, certain of what I wanted, and having to walk 5 km to school made this dream even more worthy to dream. My dream was to live a life that was better than the life I was accustomed to, having to struggle for every penny wasn't what I was fated for; I believed it was something greater than that, it had to. I may not have been destined to dine with the rich and famous but a better life with minimal struggle, should struggle be necessary, was the least the universe could offer me, heaven owed me that much.

 Battled through varsity, finally graduated, now employed by the leading car manufacturer in SA in the core department of the company, I am glad I was bold enough to dream. I am pleased that I had the ability to envision for myself the life even the parents and their forefathers never dared to dream of. If I be a product of anything in this life, I am a product of my dreams, cherishing all the scars that mark the journey to where I am now.